Identity in Christ

Performing vs Teaching

2010-04-07T09:03:00.002+08:00

gosh, it has been a long time ever since i started to blog.

How time flies... it has been 4 months since i have started teaching. Never regretted my decision to be a teacher. I think it is just plain awesome to be able to interact with the younger generation. What a privilege to be able to befriend them, to learn new things from them, receive new insights and to be able to challenge both theirs and my perspective about certain things in life.

If one wonders whether the students there are like horrendous, no they are not. Sure, they do test your patience, but at the end of the day, they are still people. They need the basic things that you and i need. Air, Interaction, Guidance, Comfort and most importantly Love.

As teachers, i think the greatest gift that we can ever impart to our students is Love. 1 Cor 13. Have been battling with the age old question: Is it better to be feared or loved? But i have decided, that even if it takes a longer process, i choose to be loved. To be feared, yes it does have its benefits, you get things done faster, you get the class to be quiet, but at the end of the day, the students might not open up to you because they can't be themselves. They do things out of fear and not because they want to.

Love conquers a multitude of sins. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast, love does not envy, love puts others before oneself. And in the process, love hurts. Students do hurt you unintentionally when they become their old self again after counselling them, speaking to them in the hope that they will become a better person. But it is a great opportunity to bond and strengthen the relationship with them. when you interact with students, you will understand where they are coming from and why they act in a certain way, which is pretty interesting.

Darn, i am addicted to my job. LOVE.. LURVE... it!!!

Went to watch an orchestra concert at NAFA yesterday. As usual, going back to that campus brings back many fond, fun and exciting memories. Till today, those memories are deeply treasured. It is one place that i have found great and wonderful insane friends.

I must say, the orchestra is pretty good. the balance between the orchestra and the choir was awesome. The delivery of the music was very smooth and the dynamics was like whoa magical. Musicians of NAFA, i am so so proud of you.

After watching that performance, you resurrected the dream of performing in me again. sigh... I think it is just simply beautiful to spend your days practicing your pieces, collaborate with different musicians and travel round the world to perform. It is just so magical. so enriching. so.............. enticing.

what can i say... i can only wish for it to come true one day... shall leave you with one of my favourite requiems...

God, are you there?

2009-07-05T04:10:00.006+08:00

Do you believe that God speaks?

Have you ever heard Him speak?

I believe He does. He speaks all the time. Do you realize it? Are you aware of it?

For me, the verse where it says that All creation shouts the praise of God caught my attention. really took the time to challenge myself everyday. How? By the simple activites that I do everday. I learn Biblical principals, concepts, am being revealed to the character of God by things around me and by the things i do.

Just to share a few at the request of my dear dorothy seng. I pray and hope that this will encourage all of you and as a testimony to all that God is truly a living God.

some of the ways that God have been speaking to me, apart from sermons, my quiet time, for the past one month are through:

1) Playing Jenga

The concept of the game Jenga is to filter out the loose blocks and stack them till they fall right? When you first start the game, the "structure" seems stable until you start tapping to source out which block is ripe to remove from the structure and to stack at the top. The game only ends when the structure comes crashing down.

Well, for me, i learnt that the solid "structure" when we start the game represents us as a child of God. We may look like that block of solid "structure" in Christ. But are we really that strong?

THe little blocks that make up the structure represents the word of God. What builds us up? the word of God. In the game, there are some blocks which are loose and some which are firmly secure in their position. Some blocks are easier to take out than others.

With Us, tapping on each block, reminds me of the challenges/devil/obstacles that really come knocking at the doors of our hearts in our lives. It is like testing how grounded you are in the word of God. Are you secure in the word of God?

With every truth that you know, you are like the secure blocks that provide a firm foundation for the growth of the structure, Your own structure. With every uncertainty of the word, you are like the loose blocks that can be easily taken out.

If we do not have a firm foundation, we may end up crumbling down. Therefore, through playing this game, i learnt the importance of knowing the truths, what the Lord has to say. THe bible is a very powerful tool and it can guide your paths only if you allow it to.

2) Arcade Games

To be honest, i don't really like stepping into arcades. But i had to as it was part of one of my leadership programmes. Instead of sulking, just make the best of it and have fun :) when you do, you learn tons of amazing things from and with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

THere were three stations that we played for that day. The first was air hockey, followed by street basketball and the last one para para.

Air Hockey

While playing, the puck caught my attention. I kinda pitied the puck as it kept getting whacked around from one end to the other. At that time, i thought to myself, man, it seriously sucks to be a puck. Getting hit all the time. If ever given a choice to be anything in this world, i would never choose to be a puck.

Yet, ironically, many of us (myself included) unknowingly, unconsciously choose to be a puck. The Puck of Life is what i call it.

How does one become the puck of life?

To me, i learnt that when you don't know your identity. You do not know who you are in Christ, the things that you can do, the power that is in you. You allow others to dictate, to shape, and mould you instead of allowing God to do so.

You become what others think you are. THe people/person who has the most influence in your life is able to do that. It then boils down to one question: Who is the most influential person in your life?

For me, it used to be my parents. THey are the most influential people in my life because they are my parents, they gave life to me and i respect and love them a lot. They do have very good insights and perspectives which are based on their own personal experience.

But i realized, it is a very fine line between loving them and them influencing me. I'm not saying that they cannot influence me. They can, but to a certain extent. Ultimately, it is God who has the final say in my life. What's yours? :)

Another thing that one can become a puck of life is when you wish to please people. When we seek to please people instead of God, we lose focus on what we are supposed to do or what God has called us to do. Eventually, one will be so lost, tired out, frustrated and will not be able to function properly.

Gal 1:10
" For do i now persuade men or God? Or do i seek to please men? For if i still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Prov 16:7
" When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him"

wow! isn't Prov 16:7 awesome? When you please the Lord, even your enemies are at peace with You. The Lord MAKES them at peace with you. how cool is that? very cool!

Second game - Street Basketball

This game reminds me of Philippians 3:13 - 14

" Brethren, i do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

As i played the game, never once did i turn back to look who is watching me play, to see who is cheering me on. No, none of that. i concentrated on the goal. To shoot as many basketballs into the hoop as possible. Similarly, in our walk/relationship/ministry, it challenges me in the sense that am i looking ahead and to reach out for the greater things that God has in store for me?

Para Para

IT's a dancing game!!! haha i love it. miss playing it in secondary sch at my friend's house after sch. :) Dancing in public? anyone game? it is definitely uncomfortable yah? THoughts like aiyo, so paisei, later people laugh at me, say dunno how to dance stil want to dance. haha right?

but who cares? If is fun, and very enjoyable. you just got to get your body movin'. Dancin' para para reminds me of worship. Many times we do not dare to step out of our comfort zones to worship God. Whatever your comfort zone may be. It can be as simple as standing up from the comfortable chair, to raising your hands up in surrender, to jumping around, to kneeling, to prostrating on the floor. Whatever it is, each one is an expression of worship to God.

What is your comfort zone now? Do you dare step out of it? :)

These are some of the things that i learnt from the activities that i did. They are very real to me. It just shows me that GOd speaks in ways that i cannot understand and is different from what i think it should be.

Open your eyes, open the eyes of your heart, open your ears. You will find Him. He is not as far as you think but very near. Nearer than you think it is. :) Have fun with God, I'm sure He is looking to a splendid time with you.

God bless.

Bethel..

2009-06-13T00:35:00.002+08:00

Just came back from chilling out with Rach at holland village. It was good. Felt so relaxed.

Gosh, two weeks has gone by so fast. I did not even feel it pass me by. kinda miss the conference. wish it will not end at all. Oh well, i guess i can look forward to next year. had a lot of fun, learnt lots of stuff now it is not about the head knowledge but it is more of the application of what i have learnt that is the challenge and to convert that application into a lifestyle is even more of a challenge. but hey, i believe it is possible because God said so and with God, all things are possible. :)

was doing some reflection this week and i realized that it takes a lot of time to get to know someone. Do not even talk about friends, for me, i have been living with my parents for the past 22 years and yet i feel like i do not really understand them even though we talk so much. it is not until recently that God showed me how to handle my parents, talk things out with them firmly and get them to understand different perspective and yet honor them at the same time. have been struggling with that for the past 7 years. It is not easy balancing all of that at the same time. yeah.

hope this encourages some of you who shared with me ur struggles with your family. :) i can share my experience with you only but ultimately God can show you how. Every situation is different. :) I guess every situation or relationship requires a lot of patience as well as investment. yeah so persevere on ok? one day you will see the fruits of your labour as painful as the process may be but yeah it is worth it.

Anyway, thank you Daddy God for going with me on the treasure hunt for the past two days. I believe that many people have been blessed by your children stepping out in faith to display and demonstrate your love towards them.

For me, i have been really blessed. I experienced an amazing thing. During treasure hunt, one of my clues was a Gucci bag. As my hip team went to tiong bahru plaza on thursday, i was telling Daddy," who on earth would carry a Gucci bag to tiong bahru plaza. Like so out of place." oh well, so i happened to turn and saw this young lady who was smoking carrying a somewhat looking Gucci bag. So i decided wat the heck, i just step out in faith and ask. Approached the young lady and asked if the bag she was carrying was a Gucci bag. She said yes! HAHA! shared with her what we were doing and one of her requests was to grow taller. Without thinking, i said sure! why not! you will grow taller.

Wanted to smack myself but oh well, what came out of my mouth i cannot take it back but pray that God will make it happen. So Carolene and i made a straight line mark across our arm and started to pray for the young lady. After praying, her line overshot mine by an inch. I was stunned. Carolene and i just stared at each other in amazement. She actually grew! God made her grow taller! Awesome!

yeah so got very excited and for me it really built my faith level. I believe that as we just step out and demonstrate God's love, it is not so much for the other person though to a certain degree yes they receive healing and stuff but for us as God's children, it just benefits us in our walk with God, our perspective with God and just knowing that He is real and alive is all i need to know to trust in Him always.

Daddy God, I want to go to Bethel to see more and bring it back. Provide a way for me please. amen.

lovely day

2009-05-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

I so totally enjoyed myself yesterday. Met Rachel Chia for dinner and the supposed movie which we never got to watch, and just am so happy that i am able to know her better for who she is. Quite an interesting person and for me, i felt that i could understand her well. Talked quite a bit of stuff about teaching, and future plans bla bla bla...

After that, we went to have ice cream at Udders. it was nice. it was like a bouncy textured ice-cream. shiok. hahaha. Kopi-C and chocolate marsh. yum yum.

Today was another tiring day, went for hip! walked from tiong bahru plaza to church office. aren't you proud of me dot? i walked lei hahaha. exercise ok. learnt quite a lot but still need to process some of my thoughts. will share soon.

After that met champ to plan and discuss for cell. but thank you ar chin champ for passing the cell to me ar. so clever. haha ok la, i will learn how to lead it k? :)

childhood

2009-05-25T23:19:00.002+08:00

While spending some time alone at Holland Village, i saw a mother with her child. The child was super round, chubby and cute. Man, haha i want to pinch the little kid's cheeks. So lovable. Observing the child just reminded me of my childhood and me being a little kid.

Anyway, the mother was just looking at some clothes at a shop and the child went, eeee so ugly. haha that comment by that kid just made me remember that he is just saying it in honesty. Young children do not know how to lie and to put up a front. They say what they feel and think. They believe every single word that they are being told. super innocent.

You know as a child, i had no worries, always laughing, making my parents angry, laugh, cry, pull their hair out. Normal things that a playful kid would do. and i would say the darndest things in all honesty. If i was angry, i would show it. If i was sad or tired, i would show it. but as i grew up, society and the environment that we live in always or rather has often taught us to put up a front. To not be vulnerable and to hide our true feelings till the point that you do not know whether the person you are talking to is sincere, real or just putting up a facade or simply being fake.

It just reminds of what Jesus said in Mark 10:15 - Assuredly i say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.

I am not too sure about you but for me, as i grew up to be a young lady, i did lose some of the innocence of a child due to experiences, be it good or bad. But, i will always have to come and lay it down at the feet of Jesus and in exchange, ask for a child like faith and discernment to discern between right and wrong, good and evil.

In all honesty, nat nat miss being a child. If only i could turn back the hands of time, i would tell my younger self not to wish to grow up so fast but to enjoy the carefree life of being a kid, ravelling in the love and adoration that my parents have for me and just bask myself in it. but too bad, time passes so fast and in a twinkling of an eye, i am already a young adult.

Yes, for the first time in my life, for all those who know me, nat nat is no longer denying she is forever 16 or forever 21. nat has admitted to being a young adult and us gladly looking foward to the exciting things that God is going to do and send my way. *ok dot and angel, you can confess your age too! i just did hahahahah*

Guess there is a lot of things to learn in life as i step out on my own. God may you be my guide as i continue the rest of my journey with you into adulthood. Continue to mould me and consecrate my heart. :)

blow me away...

2009-05-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

God, you certainly never fail to amaze me. wow! u're such an amazing person. Let me share with you how amazing God is. To God be the glory!

For the past few days i've been asking God to just build me up and to restore me since he has impressed upon my heart that he wants to do just that. So i allowed Him to do so. During Hip today, Pastor Jennifer asked us to prophesy over one another. One of my group mates, Carolene, said this to me: I see a blank piece of white paper being surrounded by all sorts of resources. Strangely, the blank piece of paper is very beautiful. I feel that God is saying the paper is you and you are already beautiful but as He adds more stuff into your life with the resources, You will be even more beautiful than what you are. He is going to build you up and mould you into the woman that He has intended for you to be.

I couldn't hold back the tear bank. I just cried. My intention of sharing this prophecy is not for me to boast how beautiful i am even though i know that it is a fact, (ok just joking, lest dot say i thick skinned again) but yeah, it is to testify that God is real and alive and He hears every single word and cry from us. He knows us inside out and as we yield ourselves to Him, He can do wonders.

I am more touched by the fact that God remembers and hears me. I mean though i know but it is the exact same words that i've been praying for. To hear it being said from someone else's mouth whom i'm not close to, or rather unfamiliar with, is freaky. but Thank you God for your assuring words and promises that you have told me and through other people. I love you.

Now my challenge is, do you have something in your life that you can't handle on your own, or a heavy burden with regards to something that you are not sure how to handle, situations that you do not know how to face? I realized that in life, it is ok if you do not have the answers to everything, not every situation must have an immediate answer or can be solved immediately, but are you willing to surrender everything to God and let Him take control? That is the important question of the day.

2009-05-18T23:38:00.003+08:00

*yawnz* came back not too long ago. today was such a refreshing day. spent the entire day with rach, dot and angel. Went for a lovely swim with rach in the morning. just realized how unhealthy i am. we were suppsoed to swim for 10 laps. unfortunately, both of us do not have that much stamina, and so only managed to do only 6 laps.

after that, drove down to vivo, decided to do a little retail therapy and after that head down to bugis to meet dot and angel with rach. man, what a din. i think we girls really brought the house down. hahah so noisy. But had a lovely chat with them and came up with farni conversations. Girls, thank you so much for being there for and with me, just supporting me. Love you girls lots plus min min, gw, and kenny. you people are so fun and i learnt a lot of things from all of you in more ways than one. i thank God for every single one of you. And yup, you all are definitely special to me and in God's eyes. :)

Anyway, have been doing some reflection about some stuff lately. will post it up soon on what i think and wat God has taught me.

Dear daddy,

I thank you for creating me. i know i am wonderfully and fearfully made. Whatever i have done wrong in the past has now been forgiven and been washed clean by the blood of the lamb. I am a new being in you and thank you for accepting and loving me just as i am.

Change me from the inside out and may i just shine ever so brightly and beautifully for you. May you dwell in me as i open my heart and entire being to you. I yield myself completely to you, surrendering every single aspect of my life, everything that i hold dear and the people i love into your hands. Teach me more about your word and help me to apply it in my everyday life as part of my process of transformation.

May it come so alive in me that you will be the star and i will be the testimony. :) And it is no longer that i who liveth but Christ who liveth in me. and daddy, you are my prize. your words never fail me and that is the greatest prize or gift that you can every give me. Thank you i love you.

love,
nat

2009-05-16T23:35:00.002+08:00

Daddy,

firstly, i want to tell you that i have 6 mozzie bites on my leg!!! why did you make my blood so sweet ar? I am not free food you know. Please tell the mozzies at the hawker for me. Tell them to stop sucking my blood.

anyway, thank you for being with me as i worship you on stage :) Received a very encouraging word from Chris which was very heartwarming. Thank you so much. God, by the way, i feel very silly you know. I keep taking sneak peeks at him lei. sigh, take until ar my eyes abit pain and tired lei. i miss him. (ok nat, stop it.)

God, it is still not easy but somehow, i have this nagging feeling of peace that You are very much in control of the entire situation. Like i need not worry about it at all. Strangely, i love this peaceful feeling even though sometimes my own human intellect would like to very much think in various directions but i have to always tell myself to focus on you. I am going to hold on to every single promise that you have honoured me with and told me from the beginning up till now. It is locked in my heart and God, i trust you.

I choose to say that it is the beginning of something beautiful rather than the end. I hate endings but i love beginnings. Everything in life is a beginning. and a new one at that. Allowing God to grow and prune me more from where i left off is a wonderful beginning to a more beautiful and God-fearing Nat.

Lastly, before i sleep, God, remember to guard my heart as well as the ones i love jealously. Daddy, please lock all emotions from me till i'm ready in your eyes to be able to handle it. I just want to focus on you, grab and receive your anointing and to be a blessing and to minister to others. in Jesus name. Amen

absolutely peculiar (spoken in a british accent)

2009-05-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

While taking the bus on tuesday to hang out with dear rachel, i had the privilege of having this man sit next to me. Sat down next to me in a hurry as he held a book in his hand. The book caught my attention. The title of the book was ' How to stop worrying and start to live your life'. haha so naturally, being the busybody that i am, i secretly peeked over and started reading what he was reading. Five minutes into reading from his book, i realized that he was staring at me. how embarassing. so i pretended to stare into blank space. *nat lousy acting, like seriously*. ok so watever. Took a quick peak at his face. all burrowed up into a frown looking worried. told myself, man, that book he is reading doesn't help him at all. He needs something better than some advice from theologians. What do they know!

Started to pray for that poor worried man. Matthew 6:25 came to mind. Thank God i had my bible with me. Guess what! when i took my bible out, the man stared at me and the bible and stared back at me. ok so i gave him my beautiful smile (since he wanted to stare at a pretty girl).

Within 1 min, he changed seat to the next aisle beside me and kept looking over at my direction. I think he thought that i'm going to preach to him about Jesus. oh well, anyway so i took out a piece of paper and thought i write him that verse as an encouragement and to bless him. however, i did not get the opportunity to pass him that verse because he immediately alighted at the next stop.

but who said, the power of God would stop there when people run away from God? That man can run as far as he wants but i have another weapon - a tracking missile. it is always accurate. That "tracking missile" is prayer. if i can't write him a blessing, i shall pray a blessing over him. That is the best that i can do for that man. God is awesome.

Daddy, i went for my first HIP programme today. I had fun though i was still struggling internally. Not easy God, not easy i tell you. But i know that all things work out for the good of those who love him. Thank you for teaching me your word. Your word that you have said to me, i will keep it and hold it dear in my heart. It means a lot to me.

God, i remember you saying that everything on earth shouts your name and gives you praise. I challenged myself today. Went bowling with the hippers and as i just sat there observing the way people bowl and how the ball spins into the longkang, i found you.

The bowling lanes are like our lives. One whole long stretch. we will not know the outcome of things, like we do not know how many pins will fall at our hands, which direction the ball moves. As i observed the two guys playing bowling at the next lane, i was just simply blown away. their ball can be in the longkang and at the last minute, somehow, it will move out of the longkang and strike all the pins down. That really taught me something. No matter how deep trouble we are in, or at the lowest point of our lives, God is always there to intervene on time. never early, never late. God is always on time.

Keeping the focus is another challenging point. Bowling is not as brainless as it seems. Man, it is mentally draining as i had to keep focusing on the pin and ensure that the angle of my hand and the ball are aligned properly so as to attain a strike. After almost 2 hours worth of games, i tell you i was mentally drained. God, you know it is like the walk and relationship with you. It is not always easy to keep the focus initially. But as you get the hang of it, it gets easier and easier to connect and communicate with you. It is the commitment and perseverance of hanging in there with you.

God, i also want to thank you for my parents for being there with me. Thank you for teaching me to honour them, despite the pressures and challenges that i face, and thank you for hearing and answering my prayers. Yesterday was a breakthrough. It is such a beautiful gift to me. I pray that you will sustain them as they walk through this journey with me. Help them through this as you speak to them too Lord.

Finally, God, i want to tell you that i will still bless your name no matter what happens and am willing to pay the price to know you better and to attain that anointing from you. I trust my life into your hands knowing that You as my father would not harm me but have plans to prosper me. You know me better than i know myself and i pray that you will continue to grow, support me in everything that i do. Teach me as i open and avail myself to your transformative work in me. Change me so unrecognizable that people will know that you are real. Guard my heart jealously too God. it's yours.

Daddy, please continue to protect and bless the ones that i love. Shelter them from storms, give them hard knocks if you must but always be there for them. Help them grow as into the fullest potential that they can be. Guard their hearts as well daddy. I love every single one of them with every ounce of love that i have in my heart. Teach me to love them with your love and see them through your eyes. That is the greatest gift that you could ever give me. In Jesus name i pray amen.

2009-05-14T11:22:00.002+08:00

spent the whole of yesterday with Kenny, Rach and dot. Went to Bedok to eat ba chor mee. MAn, it is so different. It is soup based ba chor me with meat balls. That was interesting. no wonder kenny loved it. hahaha.

Anyway, dot, rach and i went to catch a movie called sell out. It was the worst movie ever. The blur nat here didn't even know that the movie started. I thought it was some lousy advertisement when i asked Dot, " eh, how come the show haven't start." Dot was like, "er nat ar, this is the show." it was super boring. but thank God, his favour was upon us and he allowed the manager to change our tickets for another show. It was not supposed to happen but God made it happen.

Den at night, min min stayed over at my place. we had a good girl talk. Man, i love my girlfriends so much. Had a one sided pillow fight with me getting bonged by her all the time. Min, u watch out. tonight, i will bong you and the real pillow fight starts.

It is how amazing God works. I just can't wait to see what he does everyday in my life. Life is going to get exciting now that He is in the house. God, explode me please. hahaha. thank you for teaching me so much, revealing things that are on your heart for me. I will let your word consume me life a raging fire. Continue to mould me into the wonderful and beautiful nat that you have intended me to be. guard my heart jealously for i am yours and you are mine.

Thank you for the confirmation that you are doing a greater work in me through pastor Charissa by giving her a vision and a word for me. Thank you for being my catcher and support and still wanting to beautify and prepare me. I love you very much God.

You know, i'm just excited that i'm going for a hip programme where i can just grow immensely. During the hip interview, Pastor Vic and Pastor Josh asked me what do i think is worship. my answer: worship is not just about the songs and the ability to play. the bigger picture of worship has to do with your walk and how one lives his or her life for God.

Then they asked so how? the only explanation is that i am a child of God, a testimony and an ambassador for Him anytime and anywhere. Having that said, my life will stand as a testimony and an open window for everyone to see my flaws, strengths and learning process. To be as real as i can is a privilege.

ok will post more about what i've learnt from God past few days. Now, going out for lunch with my lovelies!! min min and rach!!! hurray!!! toodleloos

Friendship

2009-05-13T04:18:00.002+08:00

Well, God, it is finally over. I have my answer and I thank you that it was a mutual agreement. Just a little update for all of you. Nat and CHris are no longer a couple, we are currently under the status of friends.

If you're wondering whether it hurts. of coz it does. but strangely, for me, i think God has been preparing me for this for the past one week. I know that He is my lover and the only one who will not let me down and will be the only one to shoulder and walk with my through every single aspect of my life. Sad? well, yah. but no point crying over spilt milk right? At the very least, i still have the friendship of a wonderful man.

You know, it is very important to build a friendship with a person before getting into a relationship. FOr me, i have to work backwards. Now, I have to and i want to build a friendship with this man who has shared my life for the past 2 years. I want to know him better and to be a blessing to him, in more ways than one, with no strings attached.

For me, i guess it has not been an easy week. I believe that God's hand is upon us both. THe peaceful feeling i receive from Him is one that makes me feel as if God is in control and He knows what He is doing. Even though i may not understand it now, but i will obey and just let Him be in control.

For now, nat is moving on with her life, allowing God to mould her into a beautiful woman in His eyes. One with such noble character like Queen Esther and with such grace and poise.

God, listen to my prayer:

I'm sorry i jumped the gun 2 years back but i thank you for your forgiveness. This is the consequence that i have to pay and i will face it squarely like a woman. Grant me your strength to grow, and to allow your hand to move so mightily in my life. Never let me go but help me continue to transform from glory to glory, strength to strength. I just want to be a child that yearns and hunger for your anointing and presence in my life. Nothing else matters. Heal me O Lord. Only you can. Teach me to invest my life into others and be huge blessing to others and at the same time to teach and deliver me from my problems. THank you God. I love you

Love,
Nat

DOt and Angel, thank you for being my listening ears and my cushion to fall back on. You both are really valuable friends that i treasure. I am ok, sad, definitely. crushed? nope not at all in fact on the contrary, im hungry for God. maybe it is GOd's way to get both our attention to focus back on Him. haha. He intervened for us to restore our relationship with him. yup.

Choices

2009-05-09T11:05:00.004+08:00

In life, i believe everything is a choice. Apart from God, choices make up our life. This whole week, i thank God for a breakthrough that i thought i would never have. FOr the past one week, i was not doing so well, had a lot of things to think, reflect and decide. It was a big struggle for me, as God revealed to me the areas in my life which i have to improve. Well, i guess it is human. Who can stand being told the ugly side of you? Everyone wants to hear only the good stuff. But that is not possible and can no longer be an excuse. Sometimes, God brings us into situations, that may seem tough for the moment, to surface areas in your life that are not glorifying unto him. For me, i guess this is it. God has caught up with me. I can't run anywhere now. It is just me n Him.

The past one week, God has been dealing with my insecurities. I never thought i was insecure. I did not even realize that i was insecure up till recently when my behaviour around the ones i love took a turn for the worse. it was rather ugly, but a good learning point. Being human, though i knew what God was driving at, i didn't dare face up or admit to the fact that i am insecure. ONly at SSL, i happened to talk to Pastor Charissa when we were talking and sharing halfway that she told me this, " Nat you are insecure, and you are not that strong. DOn't have to put up a front to show that you are strong. If you need to cry, just do so. " How contradictory. I was brought up being taught that i should always be strong and never cry. Crying was a sign of weakness. Yes, and i have been struggling with that.

What Pastor Charissa said was like a slap right in my face. The thing i didn't want to hear the most, God made her say it. to be honest, it hurts. The truth hurts but the truth also set me free. Worship at SSL was the first time i felt God was closest. not because of what is happening but it is because of my insecurities that have kept me away from Him when i very much want to be near Him. Confessing to God and laying down all my insecurities at his feet at the altar lifted a heavy burden right inside of me. In exchange for that, i received from him a new anointing and an unspeakable joy that i do not know how to describe.

As i worshipped, everything in my life suddenly seemed to make sense. Prophecies given to me by God, things that happen around me, my ability to worship, words that I have been receiving from God seemed to click and make sense to me. It is so simple. All i had to do was to admit that i am insecure. I had a choice whether to still live in denial and continue to hurt those around me, or to blatantly be open about it and be vulnerable and learn from it and learn how to love those around me better.

I choose to be secure in God. I have placed my security in man. I learnt from this that man disappoints but God appoints. Man fails but God never fails. How clear is it when God gave me the verse Jer 1:18.

"For behold, i have made you this day, a fortified city and an iron pillar, and bronze walls against the whole land. Against the kings of Judah, against its princes, against its priests, and against the people of the land. They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you. For I am with you says the Lord, to deliver you. "

TO be honest, i don't realy understand the entire verse what GOd is saying but for now, i know that GOd is my maker, he made me to be someone who is strong, and secure. Though there may be issues such as insecurity, oppression or people rising up against me. As long as I am right with God, I will overcome it. I will not be bogged down by it. Because God is my security, He will walk me through it and bring me out of this situation safely.

Like i said, being secure is a choice that one makes. I choose to be secure in you God. THough the world provides me much reasons to be insecure but in your words i trust. Though actions by humans can cause me to be insecure. i still choose to trust in you and be secure. It is not easy and will never be. Nothing is easy in this world. To follow you is a choice which does not come easy already. What more choosing to be positive and secure in you. If you can do it, i can do it too. Because you are my strength, my refuge, my peace and the lover of my soul.

God please grant me your strength to learn how to deal with certain issues in my life. I need your wisdom. Teach me Lord, I am willing to learn. I can no longer sit back and allow it to influence me anymore. I have done that and the result, it has become detrimental in my walk with you. I will no longer allow it to come between You and I. I am scared because they are people whom i really do not know how to handle though they are the closest to me. They are strong in their own right and i don't want to go through it alone. i need support. God, will you be with me please in this? I don't wish to be strong in my strength. I wish to be strong indeed but in you. I need you very very very much. Help me not be affected by the words they say God. It hurts but teach me to have an iron shield around my ears, mind and heart.

God, i guess you put problems in my way to make me stronger. I accept that and i thank you for it. I surrender all. Everything in my life, take it. I need you God, more than life itself, more than words can say. I worship you forevermore. Thank you for teaching me not to run away from problems but to stand and face it squarely like a woman. Strengthen me and build me up Lord. Bring me to another level God to solve this together with you. Lord, when i am weak you are strong. i know that you are everything that i long for.

Jesus i love you.

love language

2009-05-08T08:24:00.003+08:00

Exams are over, i have lots of time to kill. I decided to pick up a book to read to equip myself and to learn from it.

I read the book love languages of God by Dr. Gary Chapman. While reading, what caught my attention was this: to love and to be loved - what could be more important? I believe that they key to learning and choosing love is tapping into divine love. When we learn to know and love Him, we will have made the "love connection". Dr. Gary believes that human love relationships reflect the nature of God, who is love. If we can understand the dynamics of human love, it will help us understand the expressions of divine love.

As i pondered about it, i realized that it is true. if we love another person with our own strength and own capacity, be it a spouse, family member, we will always run dry. But if we tap into God's divine love, no matter how tough it gets, be it good or bad times, we will still be able to love him or her just as much.

As i read on to the following chapters of the five love languages namely, (i) Words, (ii) Quality Time, (iii) Touch, (iv) Gifts and (v) Acts of Service, i learnt that each of us have a primary love language. Definitely it will encompass the other four, but there will always be the primary love language that will touch us the most.

For me, i used to think that it was gifts, based on the form which i did during a family church camp in 2006. However, as i read on and reflected on what cheers me up and upsets me the most, i realized that it is not gifts. It is words. I am a words person. Words affect me the most, it holds the most meaning to me, which i struggle with nowadays because everyone treats word so lightly. They say one thing, mean another and do another.

Even though sometimes i may not show it, certain words be it postive words or negative words, do affect me a lot. But i try my best not to show it. I have no idea why i do not show it. Perhaps, i do not how to react to it. that's why i don't show.

After words, comes touch. I feel very much loved when someone gives me a hug, holds my hand, gives me a kiss, or puts an arm around me.

After words and touch comes quality time. Quality time can be divided into a few categories: (i) family, (ii) loved one, (iii) friends and (iv) myself. How i spend or define quality time when i am with family members is either doing something together, or having a nice chat over dinner, going out with them, doing the same activities as them even though if i don't like it but becoz they love it, i will try my best to enjoy it as much as possible with them, and to watch television with them. What i would like to do in future to add to the quality time is to learn how to pray with them.

Quality time spent with a loved one can be as simple as you look at me, i look at you. Though it may seem awkward, deep down in my heart, i enjoy it very much. Taking the time to share with the other person my heartfelt thoughts, feelings, talk rubbish, support each other, being there for the other person, do silly stuff together and vice versa is quality time to me. anywhere and anytime just being with the one i love is quality time to me.

Quality time with friends is to just chill and hang out with them. Talk rubbish, share stuff with each other and to support each other.

Quality time to myself. I have never thought of the importance of having quality time to myself until now. It is like i have been giving myself to so many categories like family, loved one and friends and sometimes even to students that i forget about my quality with myself and God. Well, sometimes it is good to get away from all the hustling and bustling of life and do a self reflection to see whether what i am doing is right or not. From there, i am able to take a step back from being involved in so many people's life, and just think about my actions, my thoughts, my words to them whether have i hurt them. Sometimes i may have, sometimes i may have done something good. Whatever it is, i learn from it and change. As God give chances, so i learnt to give myself a chance to change.

From spending time with myself, i also get to know myself a bit better. How ironic right, to spend time with yourself to know yourself better. but it is true. I have learnt a lot about myself in respect to different areas of my life. Like the way i relate to my family, my bf, my friends. I admit i'm not the best person to be with them but yet i am the best person to be for them because i learn everyday to work with new challenges posed by them.

ANyho, THese three are my love languages. My love tank will immediately fill itself up when i receive love in these three manners. I guess that is what i have learnt for now and would share with you soon if you date me out :)

2009-05-07T22:35:00.002+08:00

What did Miss Hedgehog do?

Miss Hedgehog is an extremely unhappy hedgehog. there is no more joy left in her. Even the little ladybugs do not dare come near to greet her anymore. Miss Hedgehog started to realize the change in her and decided to do some thinking.

Miss Hedgehog: What is wrong with me? Why have i become so grumpy ?

And the more Miss Hedgehog thought about it, the worse it became as her thoughts went flying everywhere else. As Miss Hedgehog sat and pondered, an old friend, the wise barn owl came swooping in and perched above her little plants.

Owl: Hoo Hoo... you look troubled. what has made you so unhappy Miss Hedgehog?

Miss Hedgehog: hello owl, just thinking to myself. But it seems that the more i think, the worse it becomes. i don't know what's wrong with me. :(

Owl: hmmm... well owl have nothing to do at the moment, so owl is willing to be a listening ear to miss hedgehog if you don't mind.

And so Miss hedgehog started to share her problems with the barn owl. After 2 hours, the barn owl looked straight at Miss Hedgehog and said, " so that's it? you mean that's all?

Miss Hedgehog: What do you mean that's all?!

Owl: my my, you ladies certainly have a lot of time in your hands. i think you are thinking too much. It is a simple problem with a simple solution. But, whether that solution will work out or not depends entirely on you.

Miss Hedgehog: What do you mean owl?

Owl: well you see, you miss Mr. Porcupine right? The problem is that you do not want to admit it. Everything is about you. Have you done anything to make him feel better or support him? perhaps he is feeling horrible right now? i'm sure you did not reply his letter right?

(nods Miss Hedgehog)

Owl: There you go. he must be waiting anxiously for your reply. then is he to be angry with you as well? Then it will never end.

Miss Hedgehog: what can i do then?

Owl: hmmm. why don't you ask yourself? perhaps putting yourself in Mr. Porcupine's shoes might help. i can't tell you the answer. Only you know what to do. You are wise enough my dear. Good luck. I need to go hunting. toodleloos...

Miss Hedgehog: oh dear, oh dear, what can i do to make Mr. Porcupine feel better? Oh, it's all my fault. i never should have gotten angry with him in the first place. If only i had been more understanding and put myself in his shoes earlier... ohhh ooooo...... (pondering)

Miss Hedgehog: I GOT IT!! i will go down to find Mr. Porcupine and help him take care of his aunt and grandma. In that way, Mr. Porcupine will be able to receive a nice pleasant surprise and have extra help in taking care of his grandma.

With that, Miss Hedgehog started to prepare the things that she needed for the trip. She was extremely happy to be able to make others happy.

wow ok, that;s a long story of three posts. I guess my point in putting up this story is that when you love someone in a relationship, friendship, family etc... not everything is about you. You can't expect the same person to always give in to you and demand your way all the time.

For me, God, i believe that have been and am still dealing with me in this area for the past few days. It is easy to always pinpoint the mistakes made by others, but when it comes to myself, it is often hard to admit. It was tough but i believe that i have to go through it in order to mature.

But God, I thank you very much for putting me through this. Thank you for reminding me that without problems, I would never grow and learn. Without problems, I would not know that you are my comforter, my teacher, my friend, my saviour and my love. Thank you for surfacing my flaws, and just encouraging and sustaining me by giving me the courage to face my own flaws, to admit it and to learn from it.

Without this challenging time, I think I would have always remained a pampered princess. God, change me please. Don’t stop. You have eternity to continue to change me. I want to be a better person and child for you.

You know, God, it is very interesting like i always ask You to help me grow and often, i always expect it to be overnight. but i realized that no, when I ask You to help me grow, it is always asking for trouble. Daddy, you really put me in situations that drain me mentally, emotionally and physically. You know that? But I guess it is a test to see how I would react.

Lucky I smart. I’m smart becoz you’re smart. Haha I thank God, my brain was fast enough and communicated fast enough with You to realize that i asked for this test by myself 6 months ago. Heh heh.. so who ask for it? At the end of the day, still me. Oh well, but it’s good.

Just to side track a little, i spent half of the day with Jesselene. Had a wonderful time catching up with her, though we walked around Bugis rather aimlessly for dunno how many hours, thinking of whether to catch a movie or not. In the end, we both ended playing mario daytona in an arcade which is totally empty becoz it was in the new shopping centre opp bugis junction. It was quite fun. I cheered up a little. then we went to wheelock as Jess had to meet her mummy. so i walked round and round just to clear up some thoughts.

But the painful part is when i am being left alone. It is back to reality. Tried to run away again, as usual by calling some of my friends. Interestingly, none of them replied me, none of them called me back. I thought it strange as usually, if i call a number of friends say 7, 1 out of 7 would surely answer my calls right? BUT NO ONE ANSWERED MY CALL!!! man how clear was that for me.

God, you are very cute you know that. Did anyone tell you that before? Ok. You’re like teasing someone here like ME who is already hurting. But anyway thank you for doing so. If not, I would have run away from myself again. I guess it is a different level of facing myself. I thank you for helping me to not run when I face the slightest sign of problems. But that is, not as tough as compared to facing my flaws.

One thing I learnt from the past few days, neither silver nor gold can replace you. God, may I dedicate a song to you?

Renew my life Lord Jesus

Change this heart inside of me

Renew my life Lord Jesus

I never want to be the same

In my life and thoughts there are, so many things

That need the change that only your love can bring

And I need to be transformed into your likeness O God

Change this heart inside of me

Dear Lord, it is really tough lar… Bless my loved ones like my family and chris as I go through this period with you. I may not be the best person for them but God teach me how to. I love you God very much and I love them too. I can’t go through it alone without you so help me. Please help and teach me.

hip hip hurray

2009-04-30T21:32:00.002+08:00

HURRAY!!! it's finally over!!! my well deserved break. woohoo. THank you Jesus for sustaining me through this tough semester. 11 modules is no joke and is no fun either. WIthout you, i think would have gone insane already. But Thank you for your favour, your helping hand, mercy and grace.

Man, wat would i do without you. Ialso thank you for wonderful friends like dot and angel as well as my church frens who have been ther supporting me and cheering me on. You have definitely put many people in my life to make it rosier. :)

yay and i am so excited... i'm going Holiday Internship Programme. you know why? because only hip people attend such programmes. hahahaha no lar, i'm a workaholic so i must find something to do and learn in order not to rot my time away in case i become too nua for the next sem. must always keep myself busy.

hurray hurray.... today i think dot, angel, lynn, and i just traumatized mr. S**** today. hahaha he's such a dear and a nice fella to disturb.. haha blushes easily and has many many many girlfriends. super farni and his cake just rocks to the core. lovely cake...

chilled out with us the four girls, gosh relieving the nafa days is just so memorable. how i wish i can turn back time and just freeze me in that nafa days era. i wouldn't mind being in nafa forever! How can anyone not like the sch. it is the most funkiest place. i guess it is the person who makes the school and not the school who makes the person.

just one more sem... looking forward to it. why? plenty of reasons. (i) my darling bf is going to be in the same sch as me. hurray... so exciting. hahahah. hope he can tolerate the noise of dot, angel and i as well as my other whacky drama mates and music mates. they are insane. (ii) it is my last semester, will grad by dec. (iii) i have only 4 modules (iv) i can see my whacky frens again (v) i can bully the lecturers and traumatize them (vi) i have to return the nie card which i accidentally brought home today :( (vii) i get to earn salary!!! woohoo!!!! (viii) no more. i'm contented with the above 7 points. hahahah

i miss you angel, dot n lynn... already...

my little bundles of joy!

2009-04-06T11:43:00.002+08:00

*blissful smile*

tomato plants are growing very well. just came back from watering them and cutting the dead leaves that are sucking up extra nutrients that should got to the fruits. Anyway, small little updates about my tomato plants...

There are extra 3 more bundles of joy... so in total now, i have 20 bundles of joy, sitting serenely on the branches... managed to take some pictures of them but apparently i have problem uploading them up.

and i am very proud of my plants... it certainly has attracted lots of attention from my neighbours and their visiting relatives and friends. Just yesterday, was sitting at my desk with the window open, and this bunch of aunties, uncle, ah mas, and little kids were oooing and aahing at my plants..

they were exclaiming in Hokkien:

" le kua le kua... jin chu bi eh... chelly ang mo kio... chu bi hor"

direct translation (english) :

" you see, you see, so cute ar... cherry tomatoes.. cute hor"

yup. so proud of my little bundles of joy. they do deserve to be praised and admired... i mean where on earth do anyone see how the food we eat grow... just makes me appreciate food even more and that is also my problem. i can't bear to eat them. maybe knowing too much is not that good after all. sigh...

will post pictures of them when i get the techical problem fixed.. :)

God is good!

2009-03-26T19:52:00.004+08:00

what can i say... you are simply amazing

God, i thank you for being with angel, dot and myself today during our Grotowski presentation. I think it went very well and thank you for answering our prayers. We were so nervous that we prayed that our lecturer will not ask us any questions, will be nice to us and that we will find favour in her eyes... True enough, she did not ask us any questions, she commended our group and was pleased with our presentation. man... that was smth really cool and amazing...

Dot, angel, i really think that God is with us, walking with us thru this sem the entire time, and He has chosen to show himself during our toughest time to be a source of comfort and strength to us... It's amazing. he is never late nor early, he is on time. and He intervenes in amazing ways... ways that we ourselves can never comprehend but is good enough for us to trust in Him even more...

and i'm glad that i have the two of u in my life to make it colourful for me and with me. :) Let's persevere for another 3 more weeks k dearies... den we can go play for holidays :)

Another thing i thank you God is...... *drum rolls* for my 12 cute baby tomatoes... yup yup... such dear sweet little things... resting so peacefully and so serenely without a care in this world... just makes my day to look at the cute bundles of joy hanging from the branches of the plants... darn... i can't bring myself to eat them. sigh.. God please multiply the tomatoes.. bless my tomato plant too. Thank you God..

and angel... the aloe vera plant is fine... happily settled in its new home. growing strong. a baby shoot has started growing out of it.

love u God n i love u both darlings...

it's u ok....

2009-03-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

today had a wonderful lunch date with tab at sakae :) man, we ate a lot. glad to have known her better slowly but surely. :) love that dear girl so much... seriously if u're down, just find her, she will smile ur blues away :) she has certainly made my day... prolly the first time i laughed and relaxed so much during the week. Great time... Dot, Angel, one day u must meet her. she is such a dear...

yeah, after that we went to stone at esplanade lib... making a din i suppose, but we were trying our best to keep quiet already lor.... yeah...

THank God for the extensions in sch... quite unsure of my feelings, dunno how to react. On one hand, i am happy that i have more time to do work on the other, it is like darn, i won't be free until mid apr and i have no time to prac piano at all...

i am really caught in a dilemma. i think i shall think as if the extensions does not exist at all and just hand in watever i need on the stipulated time....

can this nightmare be over? i need a break... maxed out already

the touch

2009-03-23T19:46:00.002+08:00

" Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." Leo Buscaglia...

i kinda like the quote by this witty fella here. what he has stated definitely carries a lot of weight and is very true. What we human need isn't money. Money is secondary. but all of us need love to carry on our daily lives. That's what life is all about. its about caring for one another, honoring one another and to love each other. All of us need the special touch and warmth that a kind word or even a hug bring to all of us. Admit it, all of us yearn to be loved to a certain degree. :)

honestly, sometimes i wonder whether do we realize that we have all been caught up in a rat race. One that has stolen our happiness, our time, our ability to love and spend time with each other. everyone is going crazy over money. ok, even if one has the money, it can't buy you a life, it can't buy you happiness. there will still and always be a vacuum inside of you that yearns for a personal touch.

please don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that we should stop what we are doing and just chill... earning money is good. it serves and contributes to society as well as the economy but we should not let the greed of money control us. we are humans man.... we are made to look out for one another not harm one another.

i think that sometimes just praising someone or affirming someone along the streets every now and then might brighten up someone's day without ur knowing. It is a stressful living here in singapore and people do need love and affirmation. So if you have tons of love to give, be bold, go ahead and affirm that person. :)
seriously, if you are one who is crazy about earning money, i guess u have just earned yourself a PHD - permanent head damage.

rant rant rant....

2009-02-24T23:34:00.002+08:00

boy, it is tough being an actor especially in the traditional art forms of theatre. I was talking to my kathakali instructor, asked him how was his training regime like when he was studying. He shared with us that he had to wake up at 4am - 6am just to do warm-ups only and the rest of the day until 5pm was practice. Honestly, if i had just to do that whole day, i would not mind. :)

the reason being, i can stay slim and yet hone my skills instead of travelling to a green building in the middle of the forest everyday. yup. but i enjoyed myself regardless of the tiring training. yup. at least it has helped me get a load off my mind.

i guess there are a few things that have been troubling me the whole week. It seems that not only is life fragile, but relationships with the ones that you love comes under that category too. I guess for me, it hurts even more that the loved one, does not seem to appreciate what one has done for "one". not that i care much, but i hate to be taken for granted. Honestly, i don't know what to do and i dun know why i care so much and I dun want to give a shit anymore.

yeah, that's my week so far and i hate the feeling. oh well... i guess it is just me, i'm ranting...

to azmeran

2009-02-06T13:09:00.003+08:00

this entry i want to dedicate it to my student azmeran... gosh, if not for his little tag, i would forget that i have a life outside sch work... you know, this little cheeky student of mine never fails to make my day with his dashing smile, cute and handsome face... and haha, i always tell him, you better watch out if not i cut you botak den you know, and haha he will say the same thing back to me.

help!! i miss teaching my students... i miss the times when i taught my kids at fajar, it was one of the most memorable and greatest gifts that i have ever received in my life.

azmeran, just in case if you are wondering i am entering a blog just for you, it is because i have no way of contacting you like the other students... you are like a phantom you know. come and go leaving no trace of contact behind. can you please leave either ur msn addy or email on my taggy please? or just leave it as a comment on the blog please.... thank you very much... and yeah, one day we organize something and meet up k? with the rest of your classmates which i taught in sec 2... :)

anyway, good to hear from you, thank you for making my day today.. haha... and you better be botak when i see you the next time. :)

where is my nonya?

2009-01-28T21:43:00.003+08:00

sad....

it is only the third day of new year and i have to be back in school studying. not a very nice feeling at all. was a little bit down for the whole of today. How i wish i have something to cheer me up like a lot. Oh well, tried my very best to stay focused in class today. i cant.

then i thought i can cheer myself up by treating myself and chris to peranakan food at beauty world. Lo and behold, we went there and it was not opened. sigh, everything just doesn't seem fun at all today. to top it all of, i have tons of homework. not that i'm complaining but i just dun have anything to say anymore. i dun like it. but i guess i got to bite the bullet and appreciate whatever circumstances that i am in.

The only fun thing about today was that i took plenty of farni pictures of jae eating. that's as much as i can tell you. can't disclose any further because i promised her i wont put the pictures up. hahaha
so cute that girl, she was sitting by the side, quietly eating her chachos. haha so cute lor, took several snapshots of her licking her fingers, taking the crackers and stuffing it into her mouth. :)

anyway, i hope that tmr will be another better day.

Have yourself a merry little christmas...

2008-12-26T12:17:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas :) take time to see the joy and happiness around you. Cherish those who are around you and make time to spend it with them.

sorrie this picture is a little pixated. i just copied it from my facebook. hahaha. i love this picture. just realized that i have tons of pictures with my two favourite buddies but some of them still with dot seng.. :)

did lots of visiting this christmas, busy partying. hahha. it was fun to celebrate the birth of Jesus on this lovely day when the gift of life was being given to us freely. though this year i did not feel the christmas spirit as compared to when i was young. But i realized that everyday can be christmas. If christmas is about giving gifts, then everyday i can buy gifts for one of my friends. If christmas is about caring and loving others, that should be done on every other day and not just on 25 dec. :) the same concept as valentine's day. yeah. so start by cherishing those around you while they are still around.

Once again, Merry Christmas to all.

Spirit of ChRiStMaS....

2008-12-16T00:20:00.009+08:00

Angel darling & I

had an absolutely lovely day today. spent time in the morning with my parents, went to eat breakfast with them. man, i love my parents loads, despite the fact that we drive each other crazy at time. hee but hey, i guess that's what family is about. loving each other despite trials and tribulations. they are the people who will stick with you through thick and thin no matter what. It is a blessing to be able to have a family. :)

Dear went to Batam today for leaders' advance. I'm not able to go coz i'm going for a cruise. gosh, it is a happy yet a darn barnacles moment. coz part of me really wants to go to the advance to learn more about God. sigh, i'm going to miss my darling for the next few days. :) Dear, i miss u :) but have fun anyway...

after that, met up with my beautiful darling angel for a little chit chat. went to Bugis, Tcc, to chill out. i love my angel loads. she makes me laugh and we can share things. Thank you Angel for taking time out to meet up and share ur life with me. You have brought abundant laughter and joy into my laugh with ur crazy antics. :) i love ya. May God continue to mould you into that strong and faithful woman that He wants you to be.

then Angel whipped out her camera and.... here are some of the pictures that we took:

Most of the pictures make me feel like i'm in another planet altogether and i can actually get into the christmas spirit while taking photos with Angel. hee

There was like a big Christmas tree in the middle of Bugis and I have it in the palm of my hand
Next stop: Hotel Intercontinental

I love this pic. makes me feel like i'm in the middle east country like Israel or Turkey...

Another favourite pic of mine...

Angel darling, thank you for helping me take the lovely photos and when u upload ur photos too, tag me k? hee thank you darling for a lovely day again. muackz and hugs. see ya soon

I love Christmas and it is coming!! just next week! hurray. this is the first time in years that i have felt the Christmas spirit in Singapore. I remember when i was young, all the shopping centres will be filled with lovely christmas carols, christmas jazz songs, so lovely. but i dun hear that anymore nowadays. It is dying away, and so is the spirit of Christmas.

When i was young, i used to think that Christmas is about presents, but when i grew up, i realized actually, it is the spirit of giving and love that makes Christmas. Just like Daddy God, He loved us, was born into earth and yet he gave his life for us. so that would mean that everyday is Christmas. :) everyday should be a life of giving and loving those who around us, cherishing every moment with them around us. :)

Merry Christmas!!

eternally grateful...

2008-12-12T21:13:00.002+08:00

this semester has indeed been a trying one but as the title of my blog states, i am eternally grateful to God for his protection, his favour and for helping me get through. Yesterday, Carol msged all of us that the results are out.

with my heart in my throat, i went to check and hallelujah!!! hahaha. did quite well, but i know one thing for sure, it was God's providence. could not have done it without God. tough but yeah next sem is going to be a wee bit more challenging. 7 modules!! can u believe it! this is how my sch treats us. they think we are robots who do not need a break or recreation time. :)

sigh... at least this holiday was a well deserved break. spent my time practicing piano for miss tham. haha yay so happy get to see miss jennifer tham again. gosh i miss her tons... so glad to be able to play with her and man her choir sounds good. well done choir!! gosh, i can't help but think how good God is. yay three cheers and three cheers for God. Hip hip hurray!! (x3)

Holidays are back!!

2008-12-07T00:30:00.002+08:00

Yay!! i'm so happy, i think my december holidays so far have been very fruitful, relaxing, chilling out and , getting to do stuff that i want. :) When i was younger, i used to dread holidays coz it is very boring. i would rather spend my days in sch working but i realized as i grow more mature, i dread going to school and look forward to holidays. that is odd. hmmm... dun know if anyone feels the same as i do or may i the only oddball around here. oh well :)

here's the latest scoops as to wat i have been doing.

1) sleeping late like till 12pm

2) practicing piano

3) recording music

4) playing games

speaking of games, i recommend going to this website www.arcadetown.com oh my goodness, i tell u the games there are like super super super addictive. i spent my entire holidays, sitting in front of my lappie just playing arcade games. (which my bros and bf think is dumb) oh well, only intelligent beings like me enjoy this type of "brainy" game..

here are a list of games that i have been playing. alice greenfingers where u grow and plant vegetables, haha ok den fishing, where u breed and sell fish, cooking academy where you cook different types of food ranging from soups to dessert. it is super fun. but let me make a disclaimer first, if u are ever hooked from it and can't stop gaming, it is entirely not my fault. :)

and did i tell u? i am getting lazier and lazier to upload a post like this on my blog.

the DNA

2008-11-08T09:37:00.003+08:00

Interestingly, you would think that we youngsters are very creative. but i have found out my lecturers are extremely creative. haha.

in Nafa, dot angel and i were called fullstop, comma and exclamation mark respectively. So whenever we start talking, Dr. T** will go, Fullstop, please stop talking to comma and exclamation mark. Pay attention.

Now in NIE, we have a cute drama lecturer who goes, Hello DNA. which stands for Dot, Nat and Angel. so creative right. can't stand them. love them to bits.

If there is anything that i'll miss, is the fun and company in NIE. who cares and bothers to remember the workload here. not worth remembering. :)

I am so happy. i just hand up one of the most dreaded essays yesterday. :) thank God, he was with me as i was writing the essay. :) couldn't do it without him.

was reading Dorothy's blog, it is interesting that she likes to run. I remember angel saying, Dot you can go run the race. Nat and I will walk the faith. Life is like a race. it does not matter whether u start well but it is important that we end the race well. Be it school work, our influence of others, friendships. every thing is a race. So let's persevere together no matter how the tough the going gets.

Met up with the NAFA gang yesterday was the most satisfying fellowship i ever had. missed them tons. hanging out with them just brings back memories of the times that we had when we were studying together. It's amazing, 5 years have just flew by like that, yet we are blessed to be able to clique together, joke and still love each other for who we are. It 's great. i love you guys!

GOd, you are simply amazing

2008-10-25T00:29:00.003+08:00

In my weakness, i found strength. In my strength, i found my weakness.

I just realized this sentence means a lot to me, and it basically sums up my entire life ever since i was 16 years old. I am purely an arts person inside out. I breathe, eat, slp, think, shit, dream, speak, jam music... everything about my life has to do with music nothing to do with maths.. *yawns* science... english.. chinese *yawns*... bla bla so on and so forth the usual stifling chemistry.

As i was reflecting today, i saw how God used my weakness to encourage me and to show me where my strength lies. Signing a teaching bond when i was 16 years old, i entered nafa to study music without knowing how well i will do, or whether i can cope. I was afraid that i might not succeed but decided to whack it. By GOd's grace, i found my strength which was performing music without writing any essays.... and i managed to score very well upon graduation from NAFA.

With the same expectations placed on myself to achieve the same or better, i entered NIE. Thinking that it might be same academic marking and education structure as NAFA, i entered in the light that i would score well again. However, being confident in my strengths, i found my weakness again. ESSAYS!!! i am proud yet shy to declare that essay writing is not my forte and it does not help that the percentage marking for performance is only 10 - 30% whereas the remaining percentage goes to essay writing. How unfair is that.

But it is through this, that makes me realize that God is good and has been supporting me in more ways than one despite my weakness in writing essays. How? you might ask. He has never failed me in giving me ideas and creativity to write and at least I dun fail a paper. That is contentment and bliss to me already. At least, GOd has taught me to rely on him and not by my own strength.

However, those who noe me well enough, i am a worry wart. and that is going to be tough n a challenge for me. yeah :) Chris... u're right :) thank you dear :)

Anyway, i must give glory to GOd coz he has helped me arrange my recording dates and gathered the right people to help me record. It is amazing how GOd did it. I went from 0 violinist to 1 violinist who is willing to record two parts for me overnight. How amazing is that!!! and the recording rooms, the available timings were fitting and matched with the free times of my musicians and recording artiste Ryan. :) God really is amazing. yupz... when I'm free, i will upload my piece which i composed on the blog here k? so look out for it and listen to it. :)

oh and today, i witnessed how a big, fat baguette became a flat baguette. YOu know why? my mummy, sat on the bread! she didn't know it was bread and she went, wah i didn't know the car seat at the back so comfortable ar.. i must sit at the back more often. *dang* she sat on the bread.

me... love me...

2008-09-14T21:21:00.003+08:00

yay.. just came back from camp. it was fun, tiring having to run to and fro... learnt a lot from this camp. Let me share with you what i did k? we did prophetic painting :) hee.. can u imagine my horror, because nat nat cannot paint for nuts, i can't even draw a dog because it would end up looking like a cow. so it is like if i can't draw, do not even go near painting. but oh well, then i decided ok, it is always once in a life time, that i can to embarass myself in front of my friends. ok.

and so, like painting is bad... we had to paint BLINDFOLDED!!! boy, it was tough yet fun. when i have time, i will upload pictures of what i drew k? on the whole, i kinda like painting. no stress. haha. even if it is a mess, it is still considered as prophetic painting. :) i like...

oh well, anyway, i think my ipod mini doesn't love me anymore. my lappie told me so.. lappie said that ipod mini malfunctioned on me. :( and so, just to spite my ipod mini, i told him that i am going to replace him. and guess wat!! he turned himself to working mode.. haha think i scared him so... hahaha, but that joy was shortlived. when i returned from camp, he rebelled again and it is back to square one - malfunctionism. *sigh*

heard of this song a long time ago. i love this song. it is called legacy by nicole nordeman. very sweet song. enjoy:)

Conference

2008-08-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

it is officially a week and 2 days since i have last graduated from the play that i have been binded to for the past few months rehearsing and rehearsing for it. I currently adopt a love-hate relationship stand towards that play.

other than that, my life has not yet been filled with funky stuff except for one which i will share in a bit. :) otherwise, i am stacked up to the brims with readings of political stuff. One "good" reading is the politics of recognition... if u have no clue as to what is that, fret not, u are in the same boat as i am. i have no idea wat i am reading as well. hahaha

oh well, but i sure am thankful for one thing. one special thing happened to me on sat morning. i was doing my quiet time - spending time with God, when i decided to open my eyes. And the amazing thing was, my hands were filled with beautiful, shiny, specks of gold dust. I was like THANK YOU JESUS!!! all my life, in church i have heard many say that they have seen gold dust. I was happy for them but in my heart, i have always longed to experience it for myself. I can only say one thing. God is real and alive.

being excited, i decided to try to scrape some of the gold dust as evidence to be my testimony to my parents, and ppl who have not seen gold dust. But to my dismay, i was not able to scrape it out. it was like almost practically ingrained into my skin. if i scraped any harder, there goes my beautiful skin. I guess the only thing i can say is that, God is wonderful and amazing. no words can describe to u what i saw. it was indescribable, amazing, wonderful, awesome. totally!!!!!!!!

3 more days to go...

2008-08-12T21:36:00.004+08:00

yay!! another 3 more days, i can have my long deserved break. L**S** is nice but the process that we have to go through is rather torturous and strainous. i have no idea how long more i can take this gruelling training. It is not as if it is part of our module neither is it that we are paid. It is also not as if that this the only thing that we have to do. Unfortunately, truth be told, i am a little sick of the play. somehow this time round, the play seems to fall a little flat as everyone can't seem to get the flow and feel of the characters. I for one, have difficulties portraying myself as a mother as of yet. I am also equally disappointed that i am unable to get my friend to feel frustrated over me in the scene of course.

Darn barnacles!!! must i really go thru this again!! i want a change of play. no more last minute additions or change in staging. I just want to do this, and get it over and done with.

Thank God, i have my two lovely buddies, angel and dot to go thru this with me. honestly, without them, my anger would have unleashed but becoz of them, my temper is in check as i also dun want to affect them since theirs are also running rather high. sigh, guess we girls are getting a little "touchy" when it comes to timings to go home and rehearsal timing.

anyway, i was touched by the fact that L** S** went out of the way to make a bowl of dessert for us. It looks rather interesting. I was so keen to dig my spoon into that bowl and put a scrumptious spoon of the goodies into my mouth. However, when i saw L** S** starting to put the ingredients in together like ice and sugar syrup, i got a little freaked. Knowing the cleanliness and health freak that i am, i decided not to eat once the ice water ended up into that yummilicious looking bowl dessert thingee. but yet i was saddened to see that the entire bowl was not finished and L** S** had to throw it away. i felt really bad as i can definitely see the effort and tender love that went into the making of that one dessert. sigh. maybe i'm just mean to her. oh darn barnacles...

Grumpational

2008-08-09T20:54:00.003+08:00

the national day parade show, success of failure? i have no idea. It is erm unique and amazing as compared to previous years. oh well, when i heard of my homework assigned by my school, my first thought was SIAN!! my saturday nite out in church is burnt. gone!!

anyway, i was very thrilled at the idea of sitting in front of the tv, waiting in anticipation of an excitingly mundane array of splendid performances displayed by many people from different associations. there was the musicals where they sang national songs such as Home, Where i belong any many others which are being translated into various languages such as indian, chinese and malay. then came the second part of the performance.

I am very confident that if anyone can't sleep, watching that segment would have been a great help to cure insomnia. oh well. but on a lighter note, to be less harsh, it was ok. it just that if not for the beijing olmpics opening one day before our national day, things would have been really sunny. currently it pales in comparison with the beijing opening. Singapore jia you k? u will get there one day but u must sit properly and think what u want to say on this one day where people celebrates ur birthday. If not, it would be rather meaningless. take time to show ur culture, ur beliefs and not boast. if u must boast, boast in God. that is the only way.

i still love singapore. no matter wat. this is where i grew up and where it is safe for the time being.

multiculturalism

2008-08-04T21:34:00.002+08:00

school went well today. I had only 1 lesson today which was a multiculturalism module. initially, i thought that the lecturer was a little unreasonable and fierce. however, as the lesson progressed, she is actually quite divaish and good. she is farni as well. interestingly, when she interacts with the other lecturers, it felt like a good morning talk show of channel news asia or prime time morning. hahaha. oh well. i am beginning to like this module.

the best part of it all, i only have an hour lesson then i can go home. yeah!! looking forward to tmr's lesson. hee and there is piano lesson. Yikes, i feel my head is gonna be on the chopping board. God save my ass please. thank you very nice.

back again

2008-08-02T12:05:00.002+08:00

I'm back!! yeah sorrie that i have been missing for so many months. i was enjoying my holiday, so i did not want to have anything to do with the internet, com or whatsoever. oh well, i have just finished my teaching assistantship at Chestnut Drive. I love the kids there man. They are mischievious yet cute.

just a little upate, i can't wait for next tues because it is chris's and my 1 year anniversary. so fast. gosh how time flies. wonder what is he going to do. so secretive. have been trying all means and ways just to get him to spill the beans. but unfortunately, it is all in vain. sigh... i need to work on my "prying information from chris" skill more.

i'm glad to be back in nie. never thought i would hear myself say this sentence but yeah. i am very glad. being a student rocks but being a teacher working in a school rocks even more. :) one of the main reasons is that, i need not scrimp and save like so much... pretty miserable. like being cornered and cramped. it is so ain't my style to do just that. i want my pay!!!!sorrie just let me rant because there are so many things that are on display. but these nice things only appear when ur pockets seem dry but when ur pockets are full with cash, the nice nice things, fashion, shoes, accessories, bags all just seem to vanish into thin air. only the obiang items are in sight. how sad.

i will post up some pictures that i have taken of my students, my life for the past few months k in the next post.

Eyes

2008-05-15T13:29:00.006+08:00

it is amazing how every fashionable item has shifted from clothes to every other part of the body. last time, i thought fashion meant wearing pretty clothes but as i matured, i realized that it meant adorning yourself with beautiful accessories such as belt, sunglasses, even specs can be fashionable. hahaha

went shopping with bf on mon, he went to paris miki and got himself a cool looking pair of specs. it is something different from his usual half framed specs. this time, it is frameless!! haha... but oh dear me, given his size, his strength, i am still worried that he would break his delicate, beautiful specs.

as for me, i bought myself a nice nice pair of sunglasses, modified to suit mua. hahaha. so excited, my first vogue sunglasses. can't wait. will post the pics up when my lovely shades are in my hands.

anyway, got back some of my results for my modules, i'm happy and contented knowing that despite my busy and hectic workload that i have for this sem, i did well. Glory be to God. why? coz without him i dun think i would be able to sustain and persevere. many a times, i feel like giving up and say heck lar, study also like that, dun study also like that. but i thank God that He gave me the strength to carry on, wonderful friends such as Dot, Angel, and my dear yang, my parents and the drama family members to go through it with me.

so the bottom line is: God cares for the things in your life, regardless of how significant or insignificant it is. love all of you n be blessed :)

Delirious

2008-05-13T02:05:00.005+08:00

can u believe it? delirious band's new album is so powerful with God's anointing. they came up with the album titled Kingdom of comfort. below is their main theme song lar. when i heard it, it make me think. and for those who know me well, i hate to reflect. just not me. so serious. oh well :) enjoy this clip.

this song, i feel that it probably reflects on most of us. sometimes unknowingly, we get drawn in to the beauty of the world, we put ourselves on the pedestal. when we need to be saved, we most probably would choose to ignore it. but i believe that it took delirious a lot of guts, to put in their life journey into this latest album. they actually went to other countries to visit the less fortunate and i guess they started to question themselves whether we as christians are building. are we building a kingdom of comfort or kingdom of heaven? good question to think about.

that's all, goin to slp now. goodnite

I am Happy Today

2008-05-04T22:07:00.006+08:00

I am happy today :)

i think papa is very farni. he makes me laugh like crazy. learnt a few funky words from him. let me share with u and give you an insight on how hip my papa is ok? we were at orchard road looking for a place to eat. so this was what he said:

daddy: let's go to holem and eat.

Nat: where?!?!

Mummy: Orchard where got a place called holem??! are u referring to Heerens

Daddy: no! not that one. I'm talking about holem... *points to HEERENS*

Mummy n Nat: *faintz*

then today papa said another farni thing. daddy and i were debating on the issue of ice-cream. See, he bought a big tub of lemon sherbet for me. but today, when i wanted to eat it, it was all gone. then i got a shock. i asked him:

Nat: papa, did u eat my ice cream?

Daddy: which one? the german shepherd ar

Nat: papa!! it is not german shepherd. it is called lemon sherbet. come say it with me... lemon...

sherbet.

Daddy: German shepherd...

hee i think papa seriously either has a lazy tongue or a pronounciation problem. hee. but i still love him.

i think yang looks so suave in this pic. hahha just melts mua... :) oh well. but he is also known as MR. POTATO HEAD.

why? no reason, just decide to give him a nick name.

thank u yang for being there for me, for guiding me and making me laugh and cry all the time. ( as in laugh till i cry) better clear the air just in case.

thank you to another two big ppl who has shared a very big portion of my life. these two are none other than beautiful angel, and funky dot. Thank u girls for seeing me through 5 years of friendship. Both of you have seen me through thick n thin, watched me grow, watched me do unglam stuff... hahaha but hey, both of you are the best partners to do unglam stuff with. :) heh heh.

angel: thank u for being there to watch over dot n i when we like doign something careless and goofy. thank u for being like a mother, always with tissue, hong you and what not. thank u for making me laugh with your farni trolley bag, rolling over people's feet, imitating others and being such an aunty at times too. hahahah super farni. thank u for being my listening ear. and just having fun singing at the corridors...

Dorothy: thank u for having the guts to tell me what i did wrong in my face. to support me when i am down. to be my listening ear. to be my punching bag at times, someone to rant at, for being sucha goof liek angel. hahaha i really treasure and cherish the times we had together. too many to name but the memories that both u n angel have given me is being engraved in both my heart and mind.

I thank God for wonderful friends like you both. love u girls. continue to grow in God and to shine for Him k?

Going Away

2008-05-03T23:55:00.006+08:00

i am down. i just want to get away from here for a few days. oh well, dot was talking abt this in=step programme to overseas then uncle roland asked me to join him to go to the maldives. maybe i should go, it would such a good break from things here. contemplating still.......

Holidays!!

2008-05-03T00:05:00.006+08:00

Hurray, the holidays are here! today was the last day of my practical exam. I felt that this time round i did not do as well as i expected myself to be. The reason being, i had 10 modules, no time to practice. yeah, and to make matters worse, my thumb and index finger split. Oh well, i guess sometimes i do have my downy days too.

its ok, i shall pick myself up and carry on, look forward to next year. anyway, apart from that, i'm glad everything is over and I trust God will take care of every single need of mine that includes my friends, my studies and relationship.

Went to cell group today. was very happy. got to see all my beloved cell ppl. love u guys loads. u make my fridays rock man. :)

ok, i'm going to rest now. will dedicate an entire post to dot and angel tmr . :)

I need to rant...

2008-03-18T01:16:00.003+08:00

i need to rant... for my heart is breaking with each passing moment...

God, i need to get this off my chest. It is bad enough to have 10 modules in one semester. If that is not bad enough, they are all major modules. I dun have enough time to finish all my assignments. That is according to my puny human mentality. but God, i trust that you have brought me to this degree programme, you will bring me through it.

the amount of workload, rehearsals, projects, essays, it is too much for me to take. I need to breathe. All i'm asking is that you see me and sustain me through this period till the end of may. I need your help, your grace and your strength for i cannot hold out any longer.

I thank you for helping me to hold our for this long but go the extra mile with me will you? Give me the faith and strength to finish up my assignments with a smile on my face, knowing that you are behind me in every way. Teach me to be a blessing to others even through this time of trial. Thank you amen.

What is Music?

2008-03-16T21:11:00.004+08:00

Music is about being humble, having the spirit of humility. As i ponder about it, what good is it if one plays in a band and yet is proud? or what good is it that one is a music student, takes things for granted, assume that one can do music just because we study it? what good is it that suggestions are being blocked out unknowingly in a band?

so basically, what is music? what is the relationship between music and musicians? Without music, there isn't musicians, without musicians, there is no music. my point being, one can't do without the other. In a band, there has to be mutual respect, understanding, a heart to be open to suggestions, a ear willing to listen. It is not about knowing it all. Complacency cannot take root in this form of art. If it does, musicians have failed to create meaningful music.

Being a music student, does not give us the right to be complacent about our abilities and talent. It is supposed to enhance our understanding and not lord it over others, not to judge others ability. If we truly love music, we would give our lives to it. which means being humble, enjoying each note and tone that is being played.

Being in a band is about coming down to everyone's level, ensuring that they feel comfortable and build the band up together and not just for a few ppl to anchor it. It is everyone's responsibility to make the band take flight and not just the stronger ones. If a song cannot be played, work at it, no point flaring up, no need to be anxious, nervous, fiesty. Work, communicate. that is the key.

what is important in a band, is not how well you play, not the fame that comes with it. instead, co-ordination, communication, understanding, perseverence, humility and a teachable spirit is wat that is important. Always remember, pride comes before a fall.

God bless.

Temper temper

2008-02-20T22:06:00.005+08:00

temper temper... rude glares

this week is one hahaha... no words to describe the amount of assignments that we are being piled with. BUt it is a good experience and i thank God for guiding me in each and every step that I take.

anyway, i need to rant. though i dun verbalize it out, it is still not good to bottle it up. lest it becomes a very bad grudge.

Anyway, one thing about me is that i can tolerate almost any nonsense except rude behaviours from rude people. if they are old, ok i can understand. if they are young, ok fine. i also can tolerate. i will just think that the child's parents did not do a good job of raising the kid up. BUT if the person is an educated person, one who is 20 plus years of age. it is like MY GOSH!!! use ur brain.

it is like did 20 over years of education did nothing to teach you about behaviourisms, mannerisms, culture, friendship and the likes? obviously you are portraying the education system in a bad light. please do justice to the education system. but anyway, on the contrary, im happy things are like tat. it just goes to show who the pinkies and the brains are. which one are you?

there is more to education than just mugging, scoring good grades. get a life man! see and breathe in the outside world and you will see the beauty of things that God has created rather than being a stiff neck looking at the redundant and petty stuff. One's life, having a petty nature is pretty miserable. So it is your choice.

I choose to lead a happy life. Thank you Jesus for giving me good frens. :) People who love you and who are willing to change for You. ok God, i have ranted enough. Subside and cease the anger boiling and brewing up in me. thank you amen.

Happy Cheena New year

2008-02-08T22:43:00.001+08:00

happy Cheena new year to everyone!

2007 is gone, 2008 has come :) in the chinese calendar of coz :) anyway, i quite enjoyed my chinese new year this year. it is a different from the ones that i used to celebrate with the nafa bunch. i kinda miss them :)

this year went to quite a few places and met quite a few new ppl. ok ok actually i went with chris to visit his relatives. they are really a nice bunch of ppl :) very round.

as i reflect, honestly CNY has lost its meaning for me. i remember when i was young, i would be so excited that i can't slp on the eve of chinese new year. the joy and anticipation of visiting ppl, wearing new clothes, looking pretty, collecting ang paos, the festive noise was what i was looking forward to.

however, as time goes by, it becomes more of a commercial enterprise and a norm more than a tradition handed down by our ancestors ancient years ago. Its just practically normal for me. no excited feeling or whatsoever just the anticipation of being able to wear new clothes during this season. perhaps, this feeling comes with age. :)

anyway, i guess cny is about spending time with loved ones and catching up on old times rather than collecting the red packets which many young kids nowadays look forward to. just something to think about.

oh well, i can't believe that i have to do work during cny. what a spoiler. who does work during visiting hours?!?! gosh

God You Are Wonderful!

2008-02-03T22:28:00.001+08:00

God has been so good to me. he has never failed me nor forsaken me. On thurs, i went for my driving test. Somehow or other, deep inside me i knew that this time i would pass it during my time spending with God. However, there's still a part of me that is trying to keep myself sane and to tell myself not to be over confident. When God asked me, " do u trust me?" i decided that i would.

In the waiting room before heading out for my circuit route, God asked me, " would you still praise me if you fail?" i panicked. i was like "God, not now. u gave me ur word that i would pass. what is happening?" no answer... i resigned," God, if i pass, the skill that you have blessed me with will be used to bless others in need. If i do not pass, it means that there are things that you still want me to learn from you. "

and with that note, i left for my test. the tester did not make it any easier.. nag from circuit to road to back to office. ok ok, some of it is really my fault but did he really have to nag? hmmm :)
but i thanked God i ate the humble pie and the tester passed me. hahhaa so happy. :) yup, praise be to God.

to the present...

today, my cell had an outreach programme going on. It was the most interesting thing that i have ever seen. hahaha. i mean yeah, i have parties but it was a little weird to see ppl in my house from church coz that has nv happened b4. usually parties are with my nafa pals. hahaha. but i thank God that many turned up unexpectedly, or expectedly. I was glad that GOd had put ppl, souls to make this outreach a success. :)

we had a wonderful tang yuan making session. :) i think it was awesome. it was educational gosh. a little nie for cooking. gosh so kewl. hahah made quite a lot of fun nice wacky ppl. and realized that the world is getting smaller thru every new fren that i make :)

as the giordano t-shirt says: there are no strangers in this world, only friends that we have not met

Amazed

2008-01-28T22:11:00.001+08:00

Amazed at His providence

back tracking to last wed...

i find it amazing at how God just provides for His children in the most incomprehensible manner. on wed, dot, angel and i wanted a room to pray in. so we headed for the band room. We found it unlocked and so we went in. Unfortunately, our dear professor Ho was not there so we decided to inform Mr. Stead who was quite shocked to hear that we were in that room.

During the time that we prayed, no one opened the door. We had a wonderful time without any disturbance or distractions. But when we finished praying at the amen, the door opened and no one was there.

When we were done, the door swung shut and we could not open the door. why? it was locked.

you may think, so, what is the big deal? well u see, all the doors in NIE are auto lock meaning that once it is shut, it can never be opened by ordinary means unless one holds the access card or the password to the lock. however, when we needed a room, we just pushed the door handle and it opened. We did not have any keys, nor passwords nor access card on us. all we had was God and the three of us. :) amazing huh :)

coming back to the present.

God works in such marvellous ways. hahaha. let me share with you :

in the car at nie, while daddy was alighting me:

Daddy: girl, i think u better take this 2 dollars

nat: why? i got cash. i dun need. realli

Daddy: aiya, just take it can anot.

nat: i say dun need. i brought my wallet. i have money to eat lar. you dun believe, i

show you* fishes around in her bag for her long wallet*

Daddy: where? take so long to find ar?

nat: have. wait my bag is like a crocodile. eat so many things...

*cannot find wallet, shucks*

nat: hee err... hee papa ar, hee i forget to bring ar. hahahah

God knows that the blur me here forgot to take my wallet and prompted papa to give me money. oh man Papa God is so good. :) hahaha.

anyway, i had a wonderful time in the car with dot, dear and xiangyun. hee. firstly, must show you what i did. Dot dot tied french braid in the car and so we got inspiration to tie one for chris too :) heh heh. unfortunately it was too short and so it ended up looking like this:

so cute hor... hahhaa

den i decided to wear a cap.. gosh, golf anyone?

God and Boyfriend

2008-01-21T20:55:00.003+08:00

is it just a mere ordinary 20 cents?

to you, it may be just an ordinary 20 cents but the 20 cent coin is of great value and significance to me. why? coz it is a gift that God has given me :

I was at the canteen today and wanted to buy a packet of milo. without realizing that the milo price is 80 cents, i dug out all the coins in my wallet only to find that i had 75 cents!!! i wished i had another 5 cents to complete the picture. unfortunately, i resigned to my fate to buy the lemon barley drink which costs 70 cents. I told God, " it would be nice if i could drink my milo, but it's ok." lo n behold, i happened to look down and there tuck in a little pocket for rejected cum change coins, i found 20 cents!!! hahaha. God is so good... even take care of my little need for a mere 20 cents. thank you Jesus!! i love u :) hee

now my boyfriend n emotions...

sumtimes, my bf just drives me nuts. hahaha. he does the weirdest and humourous stuff... let's start with:

Happy

a relationship is at its best when both parties are happy in it. i'm always happy to see my boyfriend. he has a nice smile, the best hugs, the best laughter, the best goof around. hahah he just brightens my day.

Sad

in life, nothing ever goes that smooth sailing. but it is ok, my bf is always there to give me his support, listening ear and the best shoulders to lean on and the best kisses to make me smile. :)

frustrated

whoever said that being in a relationship is easy? hahah it is not too. like life, it has its ups and downs but we can grow together and solve things out together. :) dear, thank you for being my punching bag. unfortunately, i cant be ur punching bag coz once u punch me, i'll fly. muahahaha too weak ar. heh jk jk :)

humourous

this is wat happened in the car today.

Chris: dear, u must eat meat ok? at least must eat a bit only a bit

Nat: can i eat 1 piece only pls?

Chris: a bit k? ok ok. 3 pieces of beef

Nat: (decides to be nice gf) ok then if i eat, what will i get in return? (hoping for a nice reward)

Chris: u will get protein and then followed by iron... bla bla bla bla cabohydrates... bla bla

* as u can see how blur my bf is, he is so absorbed in his science facts. that he doesn't bother giving rewards but dishing out bio facts. hahaha. so cute... hee dear, u are so farni...

Happy New year

2008-01-12T23:50:00.001+08:00

Happy new 2008

this is something about this year that gets me all excited and fired up. not sure why but i know it has something to do with God. i feel in my bones that God is doing a great work in us this year.

just came back from a music advance not too long ago and then immediately went back to sch the next day. Was tiring but yet energizing. ironic rite? but yah. totally enjoyed myself during the advance. God showed me lots of stuff and things about my life. The prophesies by Uncle G was like wah, spot on. but i must make a disclaimer, the prophesies came from God used by Uncle G as a tool.

yup, sch was fun. Glad to be back in sch again with my loved ones and best frens, lecturers. just so positive. hahaha. but things at home are getting a little cranky. yup for those of u noe, pls do keep me in prayer and help me sustain on God's strength :) for those of u dunno, it is ok :) just pray for me yah? love u all. ok. i have to get back to taking care of my lil baby and den chiong readings. pics and videos of my music camp will be up soon. so enjoy yah n bear with my empty posts for this 2008 a lil while. need to sort things out a little bit b4 i can blog freely again.

Going Somewhere?

2007-12-12T21:02:00.001+08:00

the past few days i attended a youth leaders' advance held at 30 Jalan Lekar, Sungei Tengah @ Singapore Vision Farm... it is a lovely place with beautiful scenery, nice hostels and a nice weather. It is easy to find God and to thank Him for the lovely things that He has bestowed us with like nice trees, beautiful chirpy birds. irritating mosquitos, pestering flies, so on n so forth. yup, God is tangible through His creation. he is evident in people like u n me :)

honestly, i was not too keen about going for this advance coz i was the only person that i knew there. true, though there are people whom i know but they are merely acquaintances. It was a terrible experience for me to sit there alone watching everyone know everyone. but i had to be brave. as a leader, i had to be strong rite? hahhaa wrong. the fact that i was alone made me realize that i am actually not alone. i still had God. it is just that i had to take time to know people.

However, being alone at the camp made me wonder and ponder about myself. am i really as independent as many say or even i say i am? honestly, i dun noe. i finally understand how Chris felt when he went to USA alone for the first time though my case was not as extreme as his but yeah somewhat similar for the first 1.5 days lar. :)

It was not easy but i managed to get to know a couple or rather a handful of ppl. hahah starting small is good. :) yeah but it was sad to be the only leader from the youth worship side and everyone else was from the cell group segment. :) was initially at a loss but slowly but surely getting the picture of everything.

yup and it is a 4 days 3 night camp starting on mon which was 10 dec. so here i am blogging and u might wonder what am i doing at home now blogging? good question. i was home sick and i had to pack for my trip to china. hahha. stayed over on tues, took one sniff of the toilet and i nearly puked. took one sniff of my bed and i already begun to realize i was home sick. i missed home and parents. missed my u shape pillow, miss my pink bird soft toy.

so back to the question of whether or not i am independent, i guess i still have lots to learn. a different level of maturity in independence. :) through this camp, it has taught me to step out of my comfort zone. i was happy being where i was and being with the ppl i am comfortable with. but yet, as leaders sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zones in order to reach and win souls for God. if we can't break the ice among ourselves, wat more others out there in the cold hard world? got to start somewhere so here i am, took one step of faith n be brave without the bf at the camp. haha literally no one near to my comfort level. *sobs*

but i thank God for giving me the opportunity for going to this camp, i learnt lots from it and was greatly blessed. and i love being alone still... hahaha. i talk less which is ironic of me. :) love God n i love myself

Angel's Bdae Pics

2007-12-08T10:40:00.002+08:00

Angel's bday pics

here u go angel. sorrie abt the delay... was busy with other stuff

phew. managed to get a pic of you cutting ur nice nice bday cake. that is all the pics i got though. :) hope u like them. hahaha n u still can't take a still pic. :)

rachel darling showed me this website where there were nice nice wedding gowns. nearly fainted though coz they have the gown that i have been looking for all the time. it so pretty. let me show you.

ah.. aren't the gowns beautiful? just what i wanted. *dreamz* hahhaa... so princessy. :) i'm happy that i managed to find a company that makes these dresses. thank you so much rachel.

Deal or no Deal?

2007-12-07T22:54:00.001+08:00

a popular tv game show called deal or no deal has recently hit town with its all so attractive price money or 250,000 dollars up for grabs. and as usual, you can tell who are the smart people from the dumb ones.

honestly, i think that game sometimes turn me off. why? it is like here the poor contestant is playing for his or her money grabs and the audience go into a frenzy of DEAL, NO DEAL, NO DEAL, DEAL... so on and so forth. i think u get the picture. sometimes, i wonder when the audience shout no deal to the contestant, do they realli care that it is someone else's money that is on the line? sure, i mean it is easy to say no deal coz it is not one's own money.

take for instance, last episode on wed. when we have this beautiful hindi looking lady who can actually walk away with 17k odd. i mean becoz of the audience frantic yelling of no deal and so she listened. unfortunately for her, she ended up having to walk away with 25 bucks n her pocket.

i guess to me, there is a lesson to be learnt from all of these experiences. one can't always rely on the advice of others as there will always be people out there to harm you and to prevent you from succeeding if they can. one has to stand on their own two feet and make decisions for themselves and to trust God in every aspect of his or her life. dun let others sway or influence you in any way.

that is all that i have to say for now. and i love trenchcoats. ok that was random... but oh well. tata

Bliss

2007-12-05T00:56:00.001+08:00

everything in life is complicated. honestly, i feel that some things in life that we face may seem complicated and challenging but honestly, there is no need for things to be that complex. things in life are actually quite simple. the culprit? one's own mentality and character. lots of farni ppl in the world nowadays that do not have a mind of their own. they follow the crowd blindly and tend to have such a soft ear. n to be stubborn for the wrong reason.

anyway, i am happy that today is my 5th anniversary with chris. i am so blessed and happy that i have such a wonderful bf and i thank God for him. it is interesting how our relationship has grown. normal couples would have their relationship strengthen being spent together and for the most time but ours, is ironic. it grew stronger with the both of us being apart. interesting eh? i guess the element of trust just grew stronger with time and every action that we do.

though it is the last league, i will be honest here. it is not as easy as i thought it would be. the initial stage of him flying off was hard but then it got easier. so i tot to myself, by counting sats it would be easier and then when it is down to like 3 - 4 weeks, i can start getting excited as it would go past very fast. how wrong i was

the first and last 3 weeks are the toughest whereas the in between was the easiest so to speak though it was filled with its own challenges.

was thinking of doing up a drama and performing it to close frens and frens of frens. but if any of you are interested, pls inform me and we can write and direct our own script and play. it would be fun. I am seriously going to stage it on 25 jun 2008.

Membership

2007-12-02T22:32:00.001+08:00

went to The Legends at Fort Canning Park today. it was splendid. the food was great, ambience was great. woohoo!! i love my life. won't want to trade it for any other things in the world. am currently contented with everything in my life. Thank you Jesus :)

interestingly, a membership was enticing but cognitively, it ain't that enticing after all bcoz as members u are only able to use certain facilities for free and pay for the usage of others at only a discounted rate of 10%. so no point in getting one as it is like paying as a public member instead of an exclusive member.

however, it has it plus sides too :) posh decorations, which i have to thank them for. now currently have ideas to decorate my house.

being an adult i guess has it plus sides too. get to enjoy life, have great company of God, family members, boyfriend, friends (thank God for the common sense to filter out unwanted ones), and the wonderful wonderful church frens that i just met.

just so excited. it is like next fri that i am flying off to china. hahaha i have no idea whether i am going to enjoy it or not. it is like erm.. china?? have been hearing stories about china. i guess, i will tell u my ans only when i come back and give you my version of it. for now, i am looking around for pampers as i dun really fancy toilets overseas especially you know since their people have set a very 'good' example in the singapore ones.

went to a pretty good prata place today @ river valley road. the mee hoon goreng ikan bilis is quite shiok alongside with the soto ayam with tanghoon. have a feeling i will be parking myself there from this saturday onwards. yum yum., hahha then after that can go to 'zouk' and hangout. yay!!

Christmas is coming...

2007-12-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

christmas is coming. 23 more days to go...

gosh, this year i love christmas. not because that the decoration along orchard road is so pretty. neither is it the fashion of tis season coz it is like "what fashion?". did someone forget to inform the fashion curators that singapore has no winter, so what is with the winter fashion when we can get a heatstroke anytime from wearing those thick wollen poofballs?

hee. anyway, this christmas has a little christmas spirit in the air. i have no scientific proof of why i feel this way. perhaps, it is because everywhere i go, i hear christmas songs being played over the PA system. not just only ordinary christmas songs but songs about Jesus. Songs that have been like a tradition, songs that we hear like jingle bells, a baby in the manger etc. but yet there are new christmas songs that bear the message of Jesus and his teaching in the lyrics. how wonderful it seems when people celebrate special events from their hearts instead of commercializing it. i guess to achieve a goosebump effect, it always starts from the heart. :) yeah

can't wait for christmas to come. yup, and if any of you are free, please feel free to drop by Church of our saviour on 22 - 24th of dec, 6pm and 8pm for a wonderful night of drama play performed by youths. it is at margaret drive.. or u can alight at Queenstown mrt station. if still lost n blur, please call me :)

i just realized, 2 more weeks and i am off to china. yikes. time flies. am so looking forward to the music advance. hope God will reveal more of himself there to the ministry so then people will wake up soon.

by the way, angel, if you are reading this, please pull ur pictures off my bloggie k? i am uber lazy to email it to u lar. so whatever u see, just take... and please dun be appalled by ur pics k? i can get a beautiful shot of everyone but u coz u keep moving. hahaha not a very suitable subject for the camera. but i still love u anyway, should sign u up for who wants to be nathania's next top model... haahha. think everyone would siam sia. hahahha oh well. ok, i think i wrote enuff crap to entertain bored people like myself. so goodnite n love u guys

Angel's 21st Bdae

2007-12-01T01:23:00.001+08:00

guess it is a long time since i have updated my blog :) haha anyway, i went for angel's bdae party today. was held at a chalet. hahha quite fun and interesting.

but had a fun time with mummy today. hahah i love mummy :) and daddy is so cute n farni. i seriously think he needs to go for pronounciation class. haaha this is what daddy always pronounce words as -

gay = jay

vivocity = videocity

dress = trash

even better, he changes people's names too!!

scenario: my dad driving, with mummy n i in the car

Dad: eh mummy, later i need to go to sim lim square

mum: for what? so much time ar

dad: i want to ask nerd ar, how much he is selling the canon camera

mum: *laughing* who is nerd?!?!

dad: there, the guy from sim lim square that one

mum: MAX LAR!!! anyhow change people's name ar u!!

yup, you can see how creative my dad is. so dont be surprise if next time he looks at u, and calls u by a different name. it is just his creativity at work. :)

hahaha. i love my mummy, daddy n mr. yang hahha. oh thank you angel for inviting me to ur bdae party. it was wonderful. we were supposed to sing a song but we were short of one singer and we wonder why... hmmm... ok. anyway, that is it for now. love u all

Typical week

2007-10-29T18:21:00.001+08:00

gosh, i guess i have been too lazy to update my blog... was so busy for the past few weeks due to drama rehearsals and planning stuff for other things. :)

oh well, i guess time does pass rather fast in a way yet slow in a way. it is already past october, coming to november. which leaves me to wait for another one month plus.. yay!! that i can do. just look forward and spend wonderful time with the God and the people around me. plus, there is so much work to do, essays, performances, practice piano, ruth's exam, practices with ruth.. gosh. hahah. i'm so glad that the first two weeks of nov will go by in a breeze. yay that takes off some load of my mind.

most prolly, in the last two weeks of nov, gng to dec, will be busy reckeeing for hostels for music advance. so if any of u who knows of a nice place, where we have our own individual toilets and not common toilets, in a room please introduce to me. considering that we are on a tight budget. thank you in advance for those who are able to help ha.

this few days, i have been rather grumpy. dun feel like getting out of the house to work on the tempest. farni thing is, once u're there, u feel like it is fun. i think it is just the process of getting there. inertia has not started. ha

yay!! i'm gng to china. which is like confirmed. mixed feelings lar. i dunno what to think or feel. dun realli like the place, but so many people tell me that it is a nice place. Have to think of daddy too, he can't eat much food coz it is too oily and salty for him. hmm maybe bring biscuits for him to eat. hahaha. poor daddy. oh well, God will provide for him some yummy food. yay thank you Jesus

anyway, i think tiong bahru has the best chwee kuei and the yummiest hokkien mee. it just rocks. will go there to eat again. hahaha. got to go prepare props for performance for friday. goodbye

One Day Down

2007-10-16T21:13:00.001+08:00

Today i had a wonderful time rehearsing for our little shakespear play, though it is rather tiring. Oh well, wat's new... but it is fun. haha was surfing through youtube and decided to find some tango videos... have a little fettish for it but i need a partner and i found mine. :) unfortunately, i have to do some more waiting. hahaha.. in the meantime, pls enjoy the clip

i think it is so nice... oh man, they have flexible legs and they are not clumsy... i think if it would me, the first few months of training that i would receive is how to make me look not that clumsy. hahaha... they are good. hee

Today, thank God for answering and listening to our prayers. had a fun and interesting piano lesson with Mrs. Low... i am beginning to think that she is a good teacher. I heard her play today, her playing was like whoa... super nice... oh well... tough teachers do make a good musicians... at least for this one. i think it is the grilling that brings the best out of you. :)

The Show Must Go On

2007-10-13T00:00:00.001+08:00

this is a very nice video... i love it. it's called the show must go on by Queen. enjoy :)

am i really that strong?

2007-10-12T21:42:00.001+08:00

Am i really that strong?

had extra drama lessons today. unfortunately or fortunately it lasted only for 1.5 hours. I was already very zonked. so zonked until when the bus reached the interchange of boon lay, i still did not know. when i woke up, i realized that everyone had alighted the bus. how embarassing!! oh well. i guess, everyone has embarassing moments. hee

had a nice little chat with one of my drama members, Hema. she is a very sweet girl and we shared about relationship stuffs. glad that i got to know her better. she was asking me how i cope with the bf being away for 3 months, which is quite long to her. den she said, wah nat, you are very strong ar to be able to tahan. if me, 2 weeks i already cannot.

What she said struck me, i am not tat strong. honestly, if i was strong, i would not have cried when he went overseas, i would have been able to sleep and bla bla. but i believe that the reason i am strong enough to be able to face each new day with a smile on my face and to trust in Him that each day will go by very fast is because God helped me thru it. Come to think of it, it is exactly 1 month that Chris has been in US. hahah yeah. Without God, i most probably be some moppy girl with her eyes all swollen from crying every nite. hee. so yeah. thank you Jesus :)

Seriously, as i was showering i thought of smth. ok here goes... have been attending church ever since i was a young little girl (not that i'm old now lar, but ppl do grow taller and u noe more mature *ahem ahem*) yeah. so as i think back, i realized that the teaching of christian doctrine has been mundane as ever.

In Nie, it would be labelled as so TEACHER CENTRED... but i guess, in the context of church it would be.. SO PASTOR CENTRED... haha. i was thinking, what if... there are some ways to incorporate congregation centred learning... now that would be wonderful rite? instead of worrying that the congregation would just sit in the pews and start to stone or snore, they would be engaged. but as usual... ppl or leaders in church are afraid to venture into something new. it is always human err to stay in the safe zone and restrict God's teaching to be something mundane... pls lor, if you look at the bible closely, i would say the God is a kinesthetic learner. so are his disciples. they were always doing hands-on things to learn concepts about life, God, people around them. of coz, when praying it is like duh lar. that one cannot say. prayer is how u pray to God. to each its own. but the teaching of doctrine, i feel there must be a change.

oh well... my belief is that nothing ventured nothing gained. if you have any comments, just tag it.

ancient

2007-10-11T17:30:00.000+08:00

i realized that i have not been blogging for ages. so a litte update. was rather busy the past few weeks or days going for rehearsals as we have 2 drama productions coming up. the first one would be on the 25th of Oct, the second would be on 2nd Nov. if you guys are free, u can come down for either the afternoon show or the evening one. Interested, please tag me k? i will give you more details.

hee... was tired of speaking the Shakespearian language but then, after a while, it seems that it is not that bad after all. hahaha. yup, yesterday daddy, mummy n i went to book our little tour to china. It is going to be for 5 days, from the 15th to the 22nd. i dread going, for a number of reasons. 1) i dun like the place, 2) i dun even understand a word they are shee shorhing about, 3) i dunno even i can adapt to the food there. u noe hokkien mee is always good. 4) the bf is flying back to Singapore around that week and I DUN GET TO SEE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, the main reason why i dun feel like gng is like duh so obvious rite. it is basically no. 4.... the first 3 reasons are true but the 4th one is the bomb. so the ironic thing is, not that i have to wait for him to return but he has to await my return. so farni. ok

anyway, here's my point. dot, the tube dresses are nice though but rem i told you about i like my wedding dress to be like off shoulders? yeah. it is smth like that.. hee. yeah i think it is nice :)

yeah, i have the whole picture here.

this is how it should look like :) u can click on the image to have a better view tho :)

WATEVER BABY!!

2007-10-05T00:10:00.001+08:00

omg!! u guys must look at this video... the baby is so cute. i called her the watever baby... hahaha epitome of cuteness. hahaha...

she is so cute rite!!! omg!!! *faintz* lar the hand, the eyes, the facial expressions. DRAMA QUEEN!! HAHAHA

anyway, today is my 2nd anniversary and i say it rox!! if i say it rox, no one can ever say that it doesn't ok.. i love you dear... hahaha yeah!!! and i think the baby is so cute. cuter than anyone else. hahahah happy watching

Leave it

2007-10-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Was busy browsing through some videos... came across my favourite songs since i was in secondary school. darn, and i have no idea if it applies to me now. but i guess not hahah. it is a different context altogether. :)

Sometimes, i wish time would pass faster, but come to think of it, time has indeed already been passing quite fast. :) will be extremely busy for the next few days i think. However, it is weird when u need to go sch only for 2 days a week to rehearse for performance. oh well, i guess it is good too so that i can practice piano. haha...

met dai feng for lunch today. heard some great news from him and yeah had fun catching up with him. but nonetheless, things are not the same as before. couldn't communicate with him as much as before. i guess people change overtime. haha.

Dear dAddy God, i love you :) thank you for all my family, bros, bf, and frens. thank you that it is through them, that i can see you and my life has become more meaningful. Thank you for letting me see you through the things that i excel at and even the things that i dun excel at. i thank you for helping me to learn more about you and seeing you very evidently in music. I love it... thank you for being God. :)

I guess there are times that i do get pissed off at something only that i dun say coz i do not how to put it down in words. and yet it is tough to say it coz we are the minority in a certain place at a certain time. i get pissed when i see things that are being done not becoz of him but becoz it is done out of the flesh. However, what can i do? i can't go up, give them 2 tight slaps and shake the bejeevers out of them. i can't. it would be so unethical of me. i can only sit and stand aside, watch them struggle in their own folly and pray for them. For God's sake, we are in the same ministry. i won't stand by and watch them dwell in mud... but if i say my mind, advise is given, but it is still being thrown aside, or fallen on deaf ears, den so be it . find ur way out of the wilderness.

Music is supposed to be free... or at least that is what i experienced through God. no one in my entire life has ever come up and told me that there are rules and regulations about music. It is not a matter of rules. BUT it is a matter of preference and choice. i have seen my previous church, no technicalities, but annointing. so why hanker over the aspect of technicalities when it just deludes urself into thinking that there is annointing.

when man is lost... God is pleased. for it where he can work his magic and guide you, coz He is in control. Not YOU!

shoppaholic...

2007-09-28T14:34:00.000+08:00

Shoppaholic.....

I'm deprived of shopping. I have tons of work to do and i'm nt given a salary... only a stipen. which makes it not very happening. I need to save the money to contribute to family expenses. :) Not that i'm complaining. It hurts to see the fabulicious and gorgeous looking clothes screaming at you to buy them off the shelves coz u know that it will look great on you. But sorry honey, no can do. no money no talk man... so what can i do? just drool when i look at them.

On the bright side, i can spend as much as I want once i grad from degree programme and start working. hee. but that is like a long way from now. I want to go shopping now... can anyone understand my pain. i think i shall coop myself in the house and just think of nothing but slp, work, music.

Went dinner and window shopping with rachel yesterday, it was sweet but i started to feel the pinch when we walked into shops like zara, top shop, Mango and a few others.... i found lots of nice nice clothes. u noe how it irks you when u noe the fashion looks great, but u just dun wish to spend coz every single cent now counts even more than when u are earning a salary. Sometimes, i wonder why did i grow up so fast? if i had stayed as a young little girl my entire life, i will have less worries, less things to worry about, need not bother so much about fashion and people will forgive me for being a fashion disaster. hahaha. now that one is more matured, still young tho, but you can't help but have this nugget for looking good and saavy... maybe not all, maybe it is just me. oh well.... the heart ache lingers...

Can someone tell me what can i do now? i dun want to wait till 2.5 yrs later to start shopping. yuck, i hate this feeling. Sobs Sobs... shall go drown my sorrows in my room, doing essay and journal... tata

*will someone pls love me?

my 21st birthday!!

2007-09-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

I know it is abit late to blog about it, but hey 22nd september was not very long off. I have officially turned 21 years young. all those who are 2o and below, they are old. muahahha. anyway, partying at essential brews was a blast especially i have my two brothers and my good friend dorothy seng to help me plan it. It is definitely one of the most memorable times of my life next to 22 aug.

anyway, the bf gave me a very nice surprise even though he was in US. he has aliased with his two buddies kenny and justin to surprise me. It was so sweet. Chris video taped himself and sang me a happy birthday song with many heartfelt words. haah for me to know, for you to find out. after which, justin pulled out a huge bouquet of holland flowers !!! i screamed!!!

It was absolutely lovely. it was amazing. we had a wonderful time. I got saboed by my bros and dorothy to act out some movie charade. ok lar, must put the drama acting skills to test. muahahah not bad lar. coz ppl could guess. ahaha. i think i have very fast friends. they can guess even without you having to act it out yet. amazing eh.

anyway, the food was fabulous. the soup rox... the beef rox... aiya, basically everything in there rox especially the cake. had lots of presents...

i guess it does not feel any different being 21 or 20. i believe that the most important thing is the midn and the heart, if you think that you are old, so be it. if you think that you are young, so be it. which ever u think, makes you you. I believe that God loves me regardless of my age. and so i love him lots too. hahaha. thank you God for giving my wonderful parents and siblings and friends to celebrate my birthday with. thank you so much for the bf who loves to give me surprises.

i love all of you. thank you. more pics will be uploaded soon k? got to rush essay now :) muackz

ELROI!!!

2007-09-22T08:36:00.000+08:00

hurray!!! i never thought that the week would pass by so fast. We started performing on mon evening all the way until friday evening. It was tiring. having to rush from school, to Westmall to set up at about 5 plus and to perform for half an hour. I was very glad to have seen familiar faces amongst the crows from our church who came to support us. People like Keagan, rachel, kimberly... and from others like Dorothy, Jonathan, Zhong Kai's crusade frens, Zhong Guo's 3 farni frens... and even their relatives came... woohoo happening eh...

Nonetheless, yesterday was our last performance and you could say we owe all our success unto God. Without Him, this performance is nothing. We were glad that there were many people whom we do not know cheering for us, clapping loudly and there were repeated faces of some people who came back to watch us perform. That alone, already brings joy to us. Anyway, here are some pics for you to relish... hope you enjoy them :)

some of our band members :) we have Zhong Kai (bass guitar), Zhong Guo (drums), Guanwen (electric guitar), and me (keyboard) :)

I love Jesus

2007-09-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

woohoo!!! today, God has showed himself to me in 2 ways!! firstly, we prayed for Chris to be able to have his own room all by himself. Not long after, the manager of the hotel came up to him ans confirmed that he was Chris, told him that they had a room with a king size bed. they asked him if he wanted it and we have not told the management yet. God really answered our prayer. uber funky

Second, today Elroi performed at Westmall. tell u, i had never been more nervous before. u noe why? coz they were so many pushcarts selling mooncakes. the music that we chose had a mixture of jazz, salsa and contemporary chinese music. it somehow does not fit into the atmosphere of mooncakes which was like oriental chinese music?!?!? i was freaking out and asking everyone if jazz and mooncakes compliment each other? ahahah. To make matters worse, the music that they played over the PA system hours before our performance was some opera like oriental music. I felt so out of place with the songs that i have chosen for the band.

Thank God, he intervened, sent my manager, aunty Gwen from The Voice. She asked them to play some jazz or some funky teenagers music. Guess what the management put? TECHNO!!! Omg!!! i nearly fainted. hahahah. so farni lar. it is so extreme from the previous music. but i dun realli care coz God showed up and everyone had a great time. Thank you jesus!!!... hee...

looking forward to the next few days with Guanwen playing... think he is so cool. glad to have him in my band... waiting for another member, called yang, to return from his overseas trip to join us... la la la... oh well, I pray that the remaining days will be as joyful as today and that God will continue to watch us perform for his glory. amen. tat's all folks. gtg study now tata

will upload photos once they are done and taken.

moody day

2007-09-17T00:54:00.000+08:00

today is monday morning, and i am sitting in front of my lappie, typing in my moody blog. Yesterday, which was not very long ago, i was and am in a moody mood. dun ask me why. but i just feel like being moody. and poor chris and dot, i was moody to them. especially chris, was moody to him twice in my day, once a day each over at his side. I can't help it what rite? i just feel like showing a tantrum, so i hold. i am not exactly, hiding my instinctive self. i am a drama person after all, i need to get in touch with my instinctive self. hah. what an excuse. but who cares? i just dun like to do essays after essays.... actually it is only a reference but i ended having to re edit some of the my essays coz it does not have much of a link according to my dot.

n so, i am just staring at a com now, staring blankly, typing whatever moody things that come into my head... yuck yuck, i seriously think it is lack of sleep, and overstress that is why i am in such a moody state. and thus, i have named today's entry. moody. just pure moody.

tomorrow i have a performance, i intend to work very hard this week, overwork myself to forget everything. i think it helps. i can sleep straight away after my performance, wake up early and knock myself out silly the next night and the following nite. shall plan what to do for next week as it is nie recess. drats. must they have holidays? i hate holidays... it means i have a lot of time. i can't afford to have lots of time. i need to occupy myself.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rejoiced!!

2007-09-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

I have never been so happy for the past few days. u may think that i am nuts or wat. it doesn't matter but when u have been through the situation that i am undergoing, then u will understand. hahaha. yeah, the bf just reached santa cruz yesterday. i tell u ar, i was not able to sleep the whole of wed nite, u noe why? he is like my daily dose of drug coz i did not hear his voice and so i could not sleep. hahaha. lame rite but true. *sigh*. darn, i need treatment!!! and be quick about it. hahaha

i'm so happy to hear his voice. heard his hostel is very nice, when he gives me some of the pics, i shall post it up here and share with all of you ok? anyway dear i love you lots. hahaha

had fun of the whole of yesterday, went through all my drama classes. We did a lot of role playing, discussion about a boring show called attempts of her life. seriously, i think that play was a waste of money. no head, no body, no tail. and worse still, no link. super abstract. maybe it is just me, not my kind. but anyway, it is still a waste of money. one ticket cost me about $30. imagine that $30!!! i could have filled my stomach 15 meals. (that is only if i eat my meals at NIE canteen lah) muahhaha. oh well, it was a bad experience but that doesn't mean that all drama productions are bad. hahaha it just makes me a better critic that's all. hahaha. but yeah dot, u're right, i'm super short attention span. hahaha

anyway, dear, what do u think of this? should i eat it tmr?

*slurps* dun u just love me?

muahahaha *evil smirk*

dearest...

2007-09-12T16:14:00.001+08:00

can u believe it? it is already 12th sept. time passes so fast that i hardly realize it. Today is the day that chris flew to santa cruze, USA, to study for 3 months. to make it sound more feasible, it is only for 12 saturdays. hahaha.

Thank you God for everything...

anyway, could not realli sleep the entire night, going to miss him lots lar. stayed up to finish up a surprise just for him :) am happy about it. haha. anyway, went to the airport at 7, had breakfast with his family and my bro. we had macs... thought i could be strong and not tear but it hurts the most when i had to hug him and to watch him walk through the departure hall... thank God i had dot, kenny, rachel, justin and zhong kai with me. it made me feel better that i had a wall of friends to count on.

then the most amazing thing happened, one american lady came up to dot n i around there, to say " wow he has so many friends eh?" then she asked where he was going n the duration so we told her. and amazingly, hahaha she was the very lady to be seated next to him. it was so cool, i choose to believe that it was like God sent to comfort me heh heh.. oh well, i'm glad that he is safe and he is in good hands.

Thank you Kenny, for telling me what you saw around chris. It means a lot to me and i guess to him as well. and rachel, thank you for supporting me ahahhaha... thank you dot dot too for the wonderful friendship and for waking up early. hahaha.

had a wonderful time fellowshipping with dot n my bro, zk @ burger King. laughed like mad, shared lots of stuff which i treasure. after that, went to bugis with dot and i drowned my sorrows into a nice, hot piping bowl of ajisen cha shu ramen... oh man, i promise you ar, that the next time i eat ramen would be in december. hahha. cannot eat too many times. so yummy. haha dear, the ramen is like so yummy lar, *slurps* am i helping you in anyway? heh heh heh... dun drool k.

n dear, if u're reading this, it means you have reached santa cruze inn.. haha like duh rite... Welcome to santa cruze!!! go get some sleep lar u... hahaha. i miss you loads and keep tagging k?

going to dive and bury myself into work now... i need an avenue to escape to.

Muackz

surprised!!

2007-08-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

22nd august...

Wed, 22 aug, holds a special meaning for me coz it was the day that chris celebrated my 21st bdae with me to make up for his absence on the actual day 22 sept. According to him, i was not to be told where we were gng for the day. so i was being kept in suspense for the entire month. hahaha. bugged him like crazy lar...

so he came to pick me up at 6pm, and i was shocked when he turned in to shangri-la hotel. It was like a mixed feelings, i wanted to cry, nt becoz i was sad but i was touched, surprised and basically it was so unexpected.

He brought me to blu, a restaurant, right on top of the hotel. it was realli a pretty sight and the waitress brought us to our table. lo n behold, there was a bouquet of flowers there. i tot it was for every table. hahaha. but nope it is for me. heh let me show you.

Aren't the flowers pretty? *meltz*

the night sky line was so pretty from up there. we had a nice nice 5 course meal, with a main course at the end, had champagne n red wine... it certainly was a most memorable and pleasant 21st bdae celebration ever. Thank you so much dear. i love the dessert the most. the *raspberry* yum yum.. hee. oh n the service of the waiters and waitresses were so good. they literally took care of u n checked on u almost every meal. :) shall leave u some pictures to look at. Drool over 'em ya.

*da burfdae gurl*

Tat's just us, with God in the middle :)

I thank God for u every single day. Thank you for the lovely surprise. :) you have given me more than i can ask for and perhaps even more than that. God bless you. :)

wonderful week

2007-08-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

yay, it has been 2 weeks now that i am in nie... it is a rocking place but nonetheless, none of it can ever beat the fun, joy n laughter that we have in nafa... but as u study, n get used to the system, i find that it ain't such a bad place after all. hahaha...

had drama lessons this week n oh man, it is so fun.. haha i guess i am seriously an arts person... haha... it rox.. dot n angel are just so farni lar... we did lots of interesting stuff, played games, interacted with a whole new bunch of ppl. yup it is fun. i love my life..

and then i have my dear bf who makes everything so comfortable n nice for me... thank u for waking up early to send me to sch, pick me up n send me home. hee thank u so so so much... u r deeply appreciated... yupz..

went to watch rush hour 2 with chris n dot. oh man, i tell u, we laughed from the beginning right to the end of the show. it was just so farni.... i shan't tell u any more, for fear of giving the secret away but yeah.... haha (actually, it is becoz i'm lazy to type out everything)...

ok time to go do work before i yikkityak on the phone... hee tata.. hugs n kisses

abt life...

2007-08-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

Abt life... how much do u realli noe? sometimes i ask myself that question too. but i guess, everyday the answer is an everchanging one as everyone goes thru changes with God. :) moulded in christ as i call it.

today i read something in the bible, Romans 12: 9 - 11...

Behave like a christian
" let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, " Vengeance is Mine, I will repay" says the Lord. Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals fo fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. "

i think i am beginning to like the book of Romans in the bible. it teaches one how to be a person and all... it is true, sometimes ppl act so childishly towards things that happen around them, and then not realizing that they are the ones looking like fools. so the best thing is to let God handle any situations and let him be the judge... we always tend to judge others first, not that it is bad but it is our fallen nature... but as always, we have been given a freedom of choice, so that means that we can choose whether we want to judge or not.... yup..

anyway, i had a fun time jamming with bros n guanwen n chris... i tell u, becoz of a certain gigue we had to play all sorts of weird n farni songs... so not us. hhaha it feels weird lar... yeah, today was one day that i totally enjoyed... but nonetheless, i thank God for this beautiful day... went to yishun to eat ikan nasi goreng n bee hoon goreng, with my family... bros ordered roti john i think... it was nice but darn spicy lar but who cares. as long as i feel chili in my throat, man it is shiok. not complaining.... but sian lar, i have a bro who has his eyes on me making sure that i dun sneak a taste at the chili. darn... why can't he look away and concentrate on his food for once.... hahha... anyway, i love my parents n my bros n yang...i thank God for them everyday...

so moral of the blog is: make a choice not to judge people... :) that's all i guess for this blog... love u all... big hug n kisses muackz

National Day!!!

2007-08-09T15:28:00.000+08:00

Happy national day ppl!!! today is such a wonderful day... haha get to spend time with my family.yay!!! was supposed to go out watch movie with my students from Siling. in the end, i could not make it.. haha nvm. heh.

heard the Simpsons movie is quite nice... can;t wait to watch movie with the uncle yang and dorothy seng... hahaha think will have a wacky time. haha. can't wait. i hope rush hour 3 is not disappointing.

yesterday, went to sing at indoor stadium for church event, Day of His power. it is good lar but ultra tiring. stood for 3 hours... my poor feet!!! who wants to help me massage my nice nice cute cute feet? heh... but it was a good experience lar. seeing the many people coming together to pray for singapore and other neighbouring nations is actually an eye opening experience for me.

i'm nt that patriotic a citizen of singapore but what i saw yesterday just warms my heart. God bless Singapore. :)

oh yay!!

2007-08-02T07:27:00.000+08:00

hurray!!! 1 more day left... :) today is thurs, is fri... and tat means i am one step closer to studying. it's currently 7.30am according to my watch and am sitting in the staff room chilling out before lessons start at 8am.. heh heh..

today i guess i have a whole lot of activities planned out. party with my sec 1 students and dinner with chris and dot afterwards. can't wait... but yet it's tiring heh but nvm.... who cares. have fun first.

was so bored in the staff room yesterday, went surfing for tiffany & co. jewelry, found some very nice n elegant designs... but yeah, the price tag is pricey... so can only admire from far and save money to get one hee hee...

i think this one cost about $120... yeah.. but nice hor... there are other designs... coming up wait ar...

yeah i love these 2 bracelets... so cool yet elegant lor... but torn between both designs... haiz.. nice rite? but guess how much?

....$ 135.... *gasps*

yup..oh well, i can just continue to drool and save money and wait for other designs to arrive then decide lar...

anyway, i was having so much fun downloading mtvs for my students to watch coz it was related to the topics that i was teaching. for fajarians, i know i did not show it to u guys so if u are reading my blog, have fun watching these k? :)

yeah these are the new ones that i have added to my lessons. hahaa.. hope u enjoyed it :) to the rest have fun watching it. gng to nua now.... too tired.
love y'all hugs n kisses *muaxkz*

the world is mine...

2007-08-01T09:49:00.000+08:00

counting down from weeks to days makes me realize that actually time does pass quite fast. looks like i have left 2 more days to teaching in Siling. i kind of miss teaching them too. but as i'm here not as long as when i was in Fajar, the separation seems to be kind of easy but not that easy too. i mean have been teaching here for the past 6 weeks, the students are not really as bad as people make them out to be. hyper yeah they are. very but which bunch of students are not hyper. this is who they are, what can u do to change them in to a bunch of nerds? respect is the key i guess... these kids love to be respected for who they are...

can't really bear to leave but yet i'm looking forward to studying. darn... now i have 2 schools of students to love and miss... they are so cute n lovable, both fajar n siling. i guess as a teacher the most important thing is to love the people whom u are teaching. they will love you back. right baobeix?

was touched when one of the classes, 1N2, invited me to their farewell party for me. man i think i'm gng to miss this class the most. super motivated and very on about participating in activities and events. totally enjoyed them.

found a stray puppy in the garden of Siling, trapped by a bunch of leaves. it's only 1 week old... it's only the size of my palm... it's tat small... but so small i dunno how to take care... but it's cute. how i wish i can get a puppy for my birthday with everything provided for.. shiok ar... haha

darn, which brings me to the fact that i miss skippy lots.. that cute little pom is so like the love of my life. how i wish i was not asthmatic nor allergic to his fur then i can keep him forever and ever till the day that the lights go out on him. shucks... i miss my skipps...

yay oh yea, did i say that i am left with 2 more days to go... yeah.. mixed feelings. ok gng off to play pool n the staff lounge already. have fun tagging my tagboard k? love u all. *muackz*

God bless all teachers n students :)

to the doctors...

2007-07-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

didn't go sch today.. my stomach decided to go on mood swings... i think it is gastric flu lar... stomach's feeling a little queasy.. oh well, anyway it was a good break from teaching and from seeing people that i dun want to see in sch...

yup, today i was so excited for my baobei shiqi.. u noe why. today was her piano exam, though she did not do so well for her scales, but i think she practiced hard for her pieces which i hope will pull her up... so hardworking, should be able to pass lar... no worries, i am always behind u supporting you.. jia you wor. no matter what happens. man i love her to bits... FAJARIANS!!! SOB SOBS!!! I MISS YOU!!!...

time seems to pass so fast when i'm with them but time seems to pass so slow when i'm far away from them. can someone pls tell me the logic behind this laggy time... i miss my precious...

chris was sweet to come over to accompany this lifeless face of mine today... ended up playing shift tic tac toe with him in which i thrashed him dunno 16 - 3? yeah can't remember the score but knew that i thrashed him but den came revenge.. i got thrashed by mummy when played with her rummikub at CDANS!! like omg!!!i never lost to her in that game so many times in a row... must be quite distracted from things plus not feeling well...

oh well mummy, if u are reading this, just know that i let u win... hahaha... anyway, i think my precious shiqi is so sweet to have tagged my taggy... thank u bao bei.. i love u lots too!!! lots lots lots...

do i realli have to go back to sch to teach???!?! i want to rest some more. i need rest!!! argh... 3 more weeks to go yelk... i want my mummy!!!

so wat...

2007-07-13T08:40:00.001+08:00

so wat?...

sometimes i wonder what is a school system for u noe. the current sch which i am at has a lousy system in a way. u see ar, teachers have to book in order to use special rooms such as com lab, ava room bla bla... that i understand. but what i dun understand is that certain lessons such as mother tongue lessons are always being used in the AVA room which i also need to use and the best part is that they dun book. and so i have to give up that room just to accomodate to that teacher. like what the hell... i booked lar, the excuse being that the mother tongue teacher is too lazy to mass book the room. so is that my problem? like helo lar, i booked the bloody room... is it becoz i am the music teacher and so i am easy to bully? think again... the most i dun teach music lessons. if u want to play this game, i also can too...

from the first day that i am in this S***** sch, i have been denied rights to a computer, now i am being denied rights to the AVA room?!?!?! what is the world coming to?
Cliche answer would be: an end...

so what if u are a teacher in there for long, so now u want to play rank? hah... play all u want, coz u are so insecure that u have to pull rank... no sense of integrity n no honouring of word. the behaviour is so ironic as compared to the mottos of the sch...

ok to be fair, i admit that there are teachers who realli care n dun bother about the politics and power of the sch... their passion is totally for the students. i think that should be the way... oh well, i suppose there must be a balance of people in this world. the clever, the stupid, the happy, the depressed, the rich n the poor... if not, the world would just tip over on one side. so from satellite, u would see a lopsided earth....

thank God i am only here for another 3 weeks more... just see pork knuckle for a little while longer and then ha i can leave this barbecue pit... man, i'm hungry... gng to starve now bye

Spare a thought for me...

2007-07-12T09:53:00.000+08:00

guys are so insecure...

it is not that i want to look down on guys but have any of them proven themselves to be different from others? maybe some yeah but it lasted only a while and the insecure syndrome is back... no different from other guys...

for guys are there who read my blog. pls get a life k? when u come into contact with someone that u like or ur gf's family, pls do not try so hard to get to know them. let nature take its course, the more u insist on getting to know them, the faster ur other half will walk away. trust me, i'm living it. just treat as normally, what the hell is the eager rush to prove ur point of being an item? just normal like frens, coz the more u are eager, the more fake u are, the more u're wearing a mask and it is hard to tell the real u... just be urself n not try to impress ur girl's family or friends. it can be a rather big turn-off and soon u will start wondering why ur girl is drifting. coz she most probably would feel pressurized!! duh!!!

to someone: i noe u r tying ur best.. but chill ok? let's start from scratch all over again. all i ask is tat u be urself n nt try to impress my family. my family members have eyes, they can tell. ur actions of ur own self n wat u believe in... chill.. this time let me tell u of our status. we are nth but just close friends first.... back to scratch is wat n where we are at now.

indeed there are happy times, that i remembe. it's not that i have forgotten about it. i did not. i cherish it. but it is becoz of those happy times that most probably have led one or another to thinking that we can move this relationship up to the next level. if it is so, which i reflect n found it to be true, then i am gng to delevel it whether u like it or not.

u n i have a convenant, we have broken it, i'm gng to repent n restore it... that's the most i can do. i will nt let anything jeopardize my covenant. n i noe u won't too. friendship is what we will remain till the day that this covenant ends, then we can talk about where to go from there. right now, i dun see the need to. this is the boundary that i have set for u n i. this would be a lesson learnt. other things, i will talk it out with u in detail.

remember, the most important thing is just to be urself. certain things must be changed, certain things u just have to be urself. it is still a moulding process. it's gng to be a long time before anything is confirmed.

back to my life... i just lost two markers n i think the office is gng to kill me. but aiya the hahala baby inside there is menopausing lar, whole day scold ppl one. like i said, just a teeny person who is situated right at the bottom of the food chain wants to throw the weight around. that fry should be thanking the heavens that i'm there for only 6 weeks if not, i will definitely give her hell... the whole system is one cock-up system with tons of metaphores and ironies that do not make sense at all.

oh well, life is like tat whether u like it or not. it is how u handle it... can't wait for the day to end to go home to my nice nice home n family. can't wait to eat the claypot rice mummy is cooking. yay, bitching time with mummy. can't wait. anyway, if it is not nice, daddy will eat the entire pot of claypot rice n i shall cook myself a nice nice bowl of maggie mee.
gng for class now..

it's sunday!!

2007-07-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday!!!

can u believe it!! it is sun going on monday...3 weeks have passed when i am in siling :) and i have another 3 more weeks to go excluding this week... man, i can't wait for the time to pass and i can continue studying.

heh but the bad thing is that my medical benefits have been revoked and my salaries have been cut off and am not given any allowance which leaves me to work part time. come to think of it, it can be quite exciting while one is working with my good pals n frens. haha

and mr. yang is back but it can be quite awkward with him left for U.S for a month. hahah can u imagine the times when he will be gone for 4 mnths... haha poor chris. it takes time to get used to him being by my side again. hahaa. ok 0oh well, left a few more hours to monday and it is back to teaching world again. hahaha

and this wed is convo week which means another day off. that means i left 4 days to teach. hahaha... ok lar counting down the weeks, soon the denominator would be converted to days. hahaha.
ok lar, off to talk to someone le tata...

what a day...

2007-07-06T16:09:00.000+08:00

0 days.... home sweet home...

hurray... today is fri n tmr is sat.. heh... had a wonderful time in sch today, scolded one of the sec one classes coz they were over noisy like screaming... eww. but they are cute lar. hahah. gosh u noe ar, prior to wat people say about Siling, it is not so bad a sch. i guess sch kids are like tat nowadays everywhere. neighbourhood schs are like tat unless u go to a very good sch such as perhaps BP govt high or acjc? yeah.

tmr i have speech day. did up the slides and national day songs for tmr. i think it is pretty. spent a lot of time in it, and most importantly i had fun doing it. keke..

Dear lappie,
i am so glad that u are alright. u noe, the past 2 weeks without u, life was miserable. i could not msn, i could not blog, could not watch n listen to my favourite music. it was terrible. It was like a part of me has been shut off or rather taken away from me. so sad.. i miss u so so so much. i am glad that u're all right now. i am happy to have u sit in the nice reserved right hand corner of my pretty table. that is ur space, and nothing will ever replace it.

Interesting isn't it to know that electronics such as handphones, mp3 players, PSP, laptops have taken so much space in our lives. It is like we're handicapped without them. life is so miserable or rather time passes so slowly without them in our lives. It becomes a part of us till we do not want to let go of it. My colleague, Peter asked me saying that if he took my hp away for an hour, would i survive. i most probably won't. it has become like my security blanket u noe. it's like when i am nervous, scared, i take it out n start msging ppl. even when i'm bored, i take it out. sad also take out. happy chuck it one side. hahahah. yeah

oh anyway tmr is the big day. the YES 3 event is on tmr. hurray!! and mr. yang is coming back to spore at 1am in the morning. Welcome home uncle!!! hahaha. gosh, ok, i can' t realli say that time passes fast now that he is back n neither can i say that time passes slowly either. u noe when one is busy, time seems to pass faster whether u like it or not. when u have nth to do, or missing someone, 5 minutes will always seem like an hour.

3 more days

2007-07-04T12:01:00.000+08:00

3 more days...

3 more days to 2 wonderful events. i have said it a lot of times, so yah... watever. am currently siting in a staff room which claims to be a wonderful and loving family staff... but what is hidden is the politics and backstabbing world. hah welcome to the real world as the saying goes.

Colleagues, what is the meaning of colleagues? is it where people tell each other off in front of the students? and they do not respect each other? u talk about respect, dun talk about respect until u can model it out n be a good example. even the clerk can scold the teachers off... wat the....

honestly, this is the stingest sch i have ever worked for... tat's why ppl working in fajar, u had better appreciate the working conditions and be glad that u have such a nice principal. the students aren't that bad.. they are angels to me... at least, i think they are angels. love them to bits.

Students here are ok lar... but the staff are the ones that need management man. i tell u, from the top of the food chaing to the lowest, the entire management system is KOYAK!!! CRAP LAR.

i have never liked old people but now i distaste it even further. when u noe u are old n senile, pls get a life n give ur post to new blood... if u can't remember simple things like what ur staff have told u. what kind of person are u? and if u have the guts to be unhappy with me, have the guts to come n tell me urself... why bitch and tell the entire world? i tot bitching is a happening thing among youngsters. i didn't noe oldies like u enjoy our sport or are u trying ur best to fit in? face it!! u will never fit in.

i dun care who u are, i dun care what is ur position in sch... You are an educated person or at least i think u are an educated person since u are managed to be given a post with authority. so i dun think ur EQ is that low. u made a mistake, shut up, admit it and buzz off. i did my part in applying for leave, informing the respective personnels. u forgot, tat's ur problem...

and clerk, ur status is... hah let's nt go there. but yeah, who are u to raise ur voice at me? i made a mistake, i said sorrie to u didn't i? so what is the big harry problem? courtesy campaign n respect my foot... if simple things u can't explain properly to me n u lose ur temper, tat says a lot about u...

n to HOD, thank u for taking the initiative of confronting me and clearing the misunderstanding. i appreciate it lots. thank u for trying to get the facts rite and making sure that i noe the procedures of the sch...

5 more days

2007-07-02T12:40:00.000+08:00

5 more days n counting...

ok today is mon... duh.. that means i left 5 more days to mr. yang's return on sat.. wooho!! eh actually no, he'll be on the plane on fri that means i dun get to talk him then.. oh well, yakless for one day, have him for an entire mnth. quite a good deal... ok DEAL!

yay, i'm so glad that today is youth day. gives me a chance to rest my voice and tmr, i am taking leave again. coz i have to go collect my stuff at nie, but i have to go to siling to change my leave and teach for 1 period.

heh heh, means i will be teaching for 3 days again this week... cool... great. so how?!!?! i still miss my fajar students... u guys rox lar... how i wish i can go back there to teach u guys.

ok ppl... august is coming, sept will be here soon... can any kind soul who noes how to design a nice b'day invitation pls teach me how n design the thing with me.. oh n if any of u are thinking of getting presents... i have one rather nice prizzie for myself... i want a samsung HD tv plasma for my 21 bdae... woo shiok ar. *hint hint* bros... u can decide among the 2 of u who wants to love me more n pamper me. heh heh... will it be u zk or zg?

hee... ok lar ok lar, if not u guys can get me a peugeot car ok? eh anyway, see ar if u buy me the car, den when i pass my license on 15 nov, i can drive u arnd in style... cool ar. and pls make sure it is red in colour. k lar dun say i bully u, i buy for both of u the most stylish sunglasses arnd then u can wear it when u come out of the car. wah glam ar... just imagine...

c'mon c'mon.... love me pls... somebody!!! it is up to the both of u to make my day... i promise u i won't bang or hit the dustbin nor the tree. my driving skill is quite power ok. pls, ok ok.. another one.. if not, u just sponsor me a year's supply of clothes of my choice... how?

eh both of u dun ignore me lei... i noe u both sure sabo me on that day.. so pls, give me some consolation prize for being a sport... eh not fair lei, i so poor thing stand there let u all bully. so i need prizes!!!

can someone pls knock some sense into my bros.. hahah.... ok. shall go off now... been staring at the com the entire day. time to get a life now.. calculate all my leave dates n mcs to start using. count down to studying: 4 more weeks

love nat...

hurray!! crabby day

2007-07-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

yay crabby day...

had a crappy day in the morning. lost my voice, had a sore throat and woke up feeling quite terrible with cough. yuck... thanks to si ling 1T1 students... man, i miss my fajar students so cute and angelic. :)

anyway, had a wonderful time jamming with zg, guanwen and his fren willie. Zk is away in Korea busy finding korean gf and kimchi... haha no lar, he is there for some mission trip. life is farni without my bro zk. just weird u noe. no one to bully. hahaha so zg n i decided to entertain ourselves throughout the nite. heh.

gosh 5 more weeks to go at Siling, YES!... somehow it feels different. i can't seem to connect with these kids or maybe it is a biased opinion of me. it feels as if i have left my heart in fajar... oh well but i do admit that there are some nice cute students in siling. just not all. and the travelling time does not make it any easier for me. tire easily... darn... n sch does not end till 3pm.. ha

anyway, had a wonderful dinner today, had tomato crabs, veg, chicken rendang and rice. perfect meal for youth day... haha.

PS.. i dun dare to go see the doc, for fear he will just send to the hospital straight. that is what he promised me the last time i went to see him, so i had better stay at home and ask God to heal me. i dun want to go to the hospital. so scary there. yuck but then again, nice break from teaching at siling hahaha... if only, i was at fajar, life would be so much less complicated and happier. haha...

k got to rest le. lazy to change colour again. so bear with me n sori for the inconvenince and lack of enthusiastic colours. but i still love all of u. gng to rest now. tata *muackz*

looking back...

2007-06-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

looking back...

sometimes i wish i have never returned... i do ask myself wat on earth am i doing... oh well, i guess it is just me being in a bad mood now. n of all things, my nokia phone has to give mi problems... what a bimbotic phone. cute but no substance... it is like a bimbo.. all beauty n no brains.. sheesh.. what a comparison.

and den i have my father who found out that i will be trimming my hair on sat, he has been happily egging at me to cut it real short. like hello... this is my hair, the silky black strand thingee that grows out of my head... it belongs to me... so i do wat i want with it... heh

His reason for telling me to cut short hair.. must follow the rules and regulations that nie has coz now i'm in degree.

like Puhleeze, rules are meant to be broken. if not why are there rules. they are just guidelines to groom u into a model nerd.

when i was still in nie doing my diploma, rule 3 states that: no slippers allowed on campus... u think i care? i also wore slippers. ALSO LIKE TAT. what is the big deal about my hair being long man? As long as i dun wear anything revealing or provocative, it's fine wat..

maybe one day i should just shave bald to shock him. give him more than he can ask for. u want to dare me, i'll take on ur dare n do double of it, till u realize that i do have a mind of my own.. *say only hehe... can't bear to shave off my nice nice hair*...

PS. for ur information, if u are wondering why my mum is nt saying anything during my little disagreement with my dad, she is just enjoying the whole drama scene between my dad n i. n she says:" aiya, just ignore him, no need to cut too short. just trim"... muahahha so farni... yay mummi rox!!

i tell u ar, fathers are never the best people to seek advice on fashion... but sometimes, my dad's sense of fashion is ok, but most of the time, ok ok lar... heh heh

anyway, too moody to blog le lar... but just to let u all noe, i still love u tata.. it is the mood swings...

but nvm, hearing and msning my baobei made my day just a few minutes ago... man, i love her to bits... she is so cute lor... haha. i shall post another picture of her n amanda, another lovable student from 2A1... got many favourite students, but unfortunately no pics. the only images and memories i have are engraved in my heart and mind.

but we did have fun times.. to me, i have more fun n good times than bad with them.. everyday is an enjoyable n fun day with lots of laughter... :)

trip to the dentist...

2007-06-21T12:23:00.000+08:00

a trip to the dentist...

was scared to go to the dentist yest for i know that i was gng to kena scolding from my dentist... haha as usual... but to my surprise, he said my teeth were pretty clean. *phew*. maybe gng to the dentist was not that bad after all..

the best part of after a dental appointment is the luxurious time i spend with mummy walking round junction 8. heh heh... yup, and yest we went to this shop called bits n pieces. We saw this nice nice chunky silver bracelet but it costs $118!!! YIKES... but i fell in love with it... haiz. oh well, too bad that it costs so much, if not for the fact that silver tarnishes, i would have bought it already...

so in order to comfort myself, i decided to go lee hwa jewellery to see if there were any nice nice bracelets, apparently none, though i did see lots of nice nice diamond rings. hahah... they do have chunky bracelets, but apparently they were over chunky till they looked like guys' fashion. yuck. i totally regret walking in to lee hwa... just makes me want to go back to bits n pieces to buy that bracelet. sheesh. heh heh... so the best thing to do is to close ur eyes, n walk out of the shopping centre and to the MRT station. hahah

yup. so far ar, i think only lee hwa sells authentic diamonds, they come from the belgium diamond factory... unlike goldheart, they sell manmade diamonds.. pay so much for artificial goods. wat a waste.. hah... oh well...

n can u believe it?!?!? i think i have only 16 more days to wait.. hurray!!! next week i'm gng to start teaching at siling for 6 weeks. wonder how much damage i'm gng to bring to the students there... intend to drive them up the wall before they drive me crazy... yup... n oh i'm so happy. something wonderful has happened to dear mr, yang!! heh heh... i'm happy for u!! realli am :)

ok... am gng to take a nappy now...super tired from settling my table n stuff..

Totally disgusted...

2007-06-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

Totally disgusted...

ok here's a topic for everyone to discuss n chip in ideas n thoughts k?

Scenerio: was eating at Hotel Intercontinental today... saw a couple with the girls' parents eating... once they have finished, they decided to make their payment... rite.. it is usually the guys who pay rite? ok fine... but then the girl just made a statement, i think i want to pay for this luncheon... so the guy was like oh ok... the girl was pissed man... hahaha i totally understand why... btw, the girl paid in the end.... hah, the guy's dead!!

when a girl says no, it sometimes means a yes. n when a girl says yes, sometimes she might just be obliging the guy... yes i noe it is confusing, but sometimes girls are just shy to voice their opinions.. so guys, u must noe when to step up n when to step down. dun be a dumb dumb n take a girl's word for everything....

esp to zg n zk n to guys who ever read this blog... if ever u have a gf, pls ar, if she

brings her parents along, PAY FOR THE PARENTS TOO!!! DUN BE SO MISER!!!... dun care if the girl or her parents say they'll pay... be gentlemen, dun assume u can save money k? for all u noe, they are testing ur generosity... mess it up, n lose the girl... dun come crying to me ar... i won't help u...

P.S. one day u will thank me for it...

i tell u.. when i saw that guy n the girl, i guarantee u, he is in for a war zone... dumb lei that guy, nv met a more dumb guy than him... no brains... I would definitely side with his gf...

hahah ok... if any comments, feel free to tag me abt it or leave a comment, if ever u can find a comment link on my page here... today i had a fun day... bought shoes for mummy, bought a nice elegant top for myself.. it is partial turqoise with a mixture of green with nice nice hearts all over it. love it lots...

ZG!! DUN KILL ME... u said cannot buy shoes, so i bought clothes instead. :) hee...

haha n didn't realli talk much to chris today coz that poor boy is so tired... i think he should rest more... and wat a surprise, i feel this week is moving quite fast now that i dread for next week to come... hahah what an irony... actually ok lar, mixed feelings... if time passes faster, chris comes back sooner but that means i'll be teaching in si ling already... haha oh well, might as well get over n done with it... FACE THE MUSIC N THE ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

ok gtg now... love u all loads *muackz muackz*

happy day...

2007-06-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

happy day...

yay.. today was quite fun actually. firstly, i had driving lessons in the morning. that was cool drove for 2.5 hours. man, driving is so tiring but it so fun. heh heh... i think manual driving rox lar... u noe why? it feels like daytona. hhaha only the faster and real version.

in the afternoon, met with my baobei from Fajar sec, ivy, n her 2 other baobei students. we went to watch pirates of the caribbean.. hee tho it is my second time watching, i feel that the company makes it all worthwhile. i get to see my baobei, den meet up with good frens n meet ppl. why not... man, fajar brought me happy times. can't bear to leave u guys but i have to.. hee... love u all precious students *muackz*

shall show u how my baobei looks like k ? she is very cute n her name is shiqi... yup

i love her lots... to me she is the best student any teacher can have... haha... who ever said fajar students nt good ar... come, i'll show u my angels... ask me n i tell u hu are the cute n lovable ones.

dun u dare bully any of my students ar... i'll be watching... *sayang*... no matter ppl, persevere on ok? all of u can do it :)

ok... today mr. yang has got meeting so didn't talk much but was happy enuff to noe that i was able to talk to him for a full 45 mins before i met baobei shiqi for movie... man, i'm glad.... anyway, i think it is so cool lar. u noe ar, when i sleep, he is busy and when he is sleeping, i'm idling away. haha. but we get to talk at the most funkiest times of the day.

Interesting fact of the day: did u noe that USA is 15 hrs behind our time... cool huh... so that means ar... give eg. when it is 9am in spore, it is his dinner time, 6pm... haha fancy that, eating dinner at 9am according to spore time. funky hor... hhaha man, so kewl... heh heh... maybe one day i should try gng to antartica to find out the time difference there. for all u noe, the penguins may come up n tell u, it is party time!!! wohoo!!!

ok shall leave all of u to admire my precious baobei... tata love u all *muackz*...

PS. choose frens wisely, some are worth it, some are not..... open eyes big big and choose ar...

pretty pictures

2007-06-17T00:28:00.001+08:00

pretty pictures...

some photos i took when i was in Fajar... heh heh my lovely bunch of Fajar colleagues...

Group photo...

This is Joseph Giri n i... lame. He just makes my day everyday in there. Strong brother too...

This is erman... very funky n blur art teacher...
hahah no lar, he is realli very nice. hor erman?

This is Eugene... the nice PE teacher.. thank u for introducing all sorts of farni games to us together with joe-si. if not life will be so boring without u guys. hahaha... man i miss those times with u guys, and u guys are so lucky to go back to Fajar.. humph... haaha help me take care of my precious students. thank u so much...

and this is me.... lynn helped me tie my hair into a french braid today before youth service. nice rite?... hee so nice, i also want to tie by myself.

21 more days...

2007-06-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

21 more days to go...

man, it feels like a month already.. hahaha... will time ever pass faster... u noe ar, the farni thing about time is that when u want it to pass faster, it just delays and drags till the cows come home.. den, when u want time to come to a standstill, it passes like a choo choo train or rather in the blink of an eye...

Today Pastor Gerald led the youth worship service. it was awesome man... i think it was one of the best worship sessions with such an intimacy with God i ever had ever since i stepped into church. We had no proper structure so we literally had to rely on Pastor Gerald for cues to the direction that we're heading for. This is what worship should be so i guess the youths still have lots to learn. haha but of coz, i noe it can't be done overnight. so duh!!! but all i ask n pray is for a teachable and a willing-to-learn spirit as well as attitude.

yeah.. so lucky lor mr. yang gets to go to san francisco.. ahhaha. mummy said she wants the whole of san francisco so that she can share with zg... not fair lor. den me lei? muahahha.. dun worry, i own the whole earth coz i'm royalty. since God is King, den i'm princess. haha oops just following hierachy ma... hahha ok ppl, i got to go... gng to watch another hindi movie soon after i finish msning some precious person. heh heh... *winks* yeah.

Man... i totally miss Fajar Sec... totally

Life goes on........

hurray!!!

2007-06-15T12:32:00.000+08:00

22 more days...

ok i think i had better clear what is bothering me or making me frustrated. it is mostly church related nothing to do with anyone or frens in other areas other than church. can't be bothered with trivial matters. yup.. it is more like a tugging at my heart for the ministry.

anyway, yest went out with Jonathan Tan for dinner coz mummy n daddy went to church for some church cell leader's meeting haha. yup. some pictures of my godbro n i... hee

my piggy faced god bro n i..

ok lar... i shall not be so mean.. this is how my godbro realli looks like.. quite handsome hor... but he very poor thing, always being bullied by all his gfs... *sayang* nvm bro, i help u filter out and vet thru all ur Mrs. Tan-to-be. hee

this was a pic we took at hotel intercontinental.. at the lounge bar... heh heh... yup, he's one of my good frens till this very day since secondary sch...

oh yeah!!! and i passed my advanced theory. woohoo!!! all i need now is to work hard for the driving test... heh heh.. thank u so much daddy God.. Daddy God, i promise that i will be a very safe driver. i will always drive ppl up the wall. now n 4eva alwayz... heh...

and yay!!! 22 more days to 2 major events, the welcoming home of mr. yang and the Youth Evangelical Service... which i hope by God's grace, will not be another performance by the band but will be a true worship session that will touch the lives of many others... and may they see, feel and know that God is real... amen!!

gosh 26 more days...

2007-06-14T01:45:00.000+08:00

26 more days...

yay!!! the uncle yang called.. haha so exciting... oh well.. he has just left for the conference.. so happy for him. just awaiting for his return to settle some other stuff too lor... hee got nth much to say as my heart is getting heavier each day... trust me, it has nth to do with mr. yang's overseas trip to U.S. but i guess Chris, u noe what i'm toking abt...

it is like a bursting ball of fire struggling to burst forth from me... nevertheless, i must control my fury...

ok happy thots... must think happy thots... cannot dwell on saddening and infuriating stuff. if not, there will be no end... happy thots... haha. i noe!!!!!!!!!!! pretty pictures!!! hahaha... wait ar... (pictures are right below this entry)...

Today (as in Wed), i had a wonderful dinner with Aunty Gwen and my bro zk... we went to sakae sushi n den chilled at coffee bean... i tell u, we shared so much about our life and i would say she is one lady that i truly salute... she is a very strong christian... i admire her for standing her ground when the principals n values of God are being compromised. something that i learned. she will just speak her mind. i think it is essential that we speak our minds knowing that we do it out of love and for the good of His people even though it seems to be done at the expense of breaking them down or like the phrase, iron sharpens iron... it is thru brokenness that we truly learn. i've been there, exprienced that... nt a nice feeling but God is in control... a true learning experience...

Another wonderful thing that i learnt from her during dinner at Sakae was that she called the waitress by her name... it was an eye opener. i mean who on earth would bother a name tag and the name on it. but aunty Gwen did it. After she addressed the waitress her name, i realized that hey ppl in the service industry are actually humans too n they do have a name... It makes ppl feel important, respected and loved...

oh hahaha n the same waitress addressed my bro zk, "Sir, what drink would u like to have"? when we sat down. muahahaha... i tell u my bro, freaked out as we kept teasing him the entire nite... poor zk... *sayang* not bad ar, got ppl address him as Sir... aahhaah...

yeah some photos... man i think i'm totally narcissist... cool!!!

oh n before i end, i would like to add that the spirit of JOY n HAPPINESS is essential to the worship ministry... now it feels like it is a burden to serve and i can feel barriers and walls put up around each person when it comes to practice time or soundcheck... where's the joy? i think i shall unleash my happiness and just be myself for once instead of being so constipated, trying to be as sane as i can be... no more sane nat... i shall be myself for once... MAD!!!

Is God in control?

2007-06-13T02:00:00.000+08:00

Is God in control or wat?

fine.. a little updates before i say what is truly bugging in my heart deep down within... firstly, today went by super slow.. i have no idea why lar.. maybe it is because, my dear mr. yang has left for U.S for a supernatural conference... very exciting... haha. missing him is an understatement of the mnth lar.. but on the bright side, i guess 3 weeks will go past very fast if i find things to occupy myself with.

luckily for me, my day started at 6pm, right after dinner where i had a jamming session with my bros first.. we played battle cry... man, it brings fond memories when we were in the other church... hahaa at abt 7pm, when we were quite mad and high my godsis, deniece came to join us in the jamming session... coz we're gng to perform a few sentimental songs at esplanade on sun... ok lar... it was quite gao wei initially coz suddenly, she can't flow with us n vice versa plus she brought her own fren in... hahaha. oh well, it was fun... after she left, zk, zg, n i had a fun time arranging songs, changing rhythms from 4/4 rock to funk to bossa nova and back to rock... had a fun time worshipping God by ourselves again. man, this is something that i miss.. to be able to reach, taste n God's presence. It has been a long time since i ever experienced a super high worship... which brings me to what is egging me in my heart the past few months...

sometimes ar, i seriously wonder why God put me back in Coos... tho i noe the reason but must He really do that? i enjoy worshipping together with bros, jonathan and barnabus... man that was the bomb man of worships... super high...i mean sometimes, i feel that we put God in a box... We play God instead. if u restrict God to what u noe, then aren't u God? when worshipping... one does not need to follow a rigid structure... Let God flow.. it is something that i have not been able to experience here in Coos...
and what is with the complicated song arrangements? half cut, here, full cut there? it just complicates things... no band dynamics? why? ask me n i will tell u how and where the problem lies... i can go on n on... there will be no end... i will say my piece when the time is ripe... for now, i shall keep my mouth shut.

What is worship and music? let me tell u...
Worship and music comes from the heart... True worship to God means u let Him take control... When the music or worship is in chaos, that is where God is happy.. coz He is in control. He can do what He wants... not some fancy band arrangement with wonderful techniques to make ppl feel good...
and music for worship? just keep it simple and lively with a balanced range of lows, mids n highs... with nice layering of instruments and creative but simple arrangements and cuts...
Who cares whether the song arrangment is good when the congregration can't follow? who cares if u got experience in playing with outside gigues or concerts... is the ability to play n worship God based on all these? if it is, think again.. u have got ur doctrine n concept wrong. wat rubbish...

u want a breakthru? sure easy... let God lead... apart from that... ATTITUDE is the key to everything... wat emo shit... emo my foot. trying to sound like a sonic edge band is crap pls. forgive me but we have to define our own style. u have a congregation, so adapt to their needs.. stop imitating other bands, get a life.

Where we are serving is the sacred, holiest house of God.. it is a ministry. dun take it for granted or assume it is a place to gain recognition. being in a ministry takes sacrifice n hard work n commitment... commitment is what i see... what is ur motive behind u serving in a ministry? define it pls. only then can u give God ur best... tons of things to be set in order in this house of God.. TONS!!! but who will receive n learn with an open heart n mind? dun resist God pls... a much greater work is gng to take place.. another level up into the spiritual realm is what i see n feel strongly in my spirit. a breakthru will come but it depends on how we work together to fight this battle... a servant attitude n spirit is required in any ministry... an essential one...

another reminder... dun use music to manipulate the emotions of ppl. i know and i can sense it when it happens... Beware... just let God lead... trust Him... and if u think u noe what is music n worship? think again...

today...

2007-06-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

June 7, 2007

shall do a little recap here since yesterday i was not realli in a mood to blog coz was a wee bit excited. hee.

I am thankful to daddy God for seeing dot dot n i thru our drama auditions.. thank you mummy, chris, dotdot's mummy and zk for ur prayers for us to get thru it. thank you so so much... yup. after which, dot dot came over to my house for lunch and i experimented on her the cheese rice together with my bro. i'm sure it was nice, if not that woman would not have soaked her rice into cheese lor. i mean who would pour soup into a bowl of cheese rice? well, DOROTHY did it lar. hahah quite farni lar... it looked milk cheese rice soup or smth... *eww gross* heh heh... after lunch, we jammed n watched our all time favourite hindi movie. Kal ho Naa ho... so touching... I CRIED!!! N i got laughed at by my bro zg n my mum. so paisei... *piang*

anyway, dot dot is a talented drummer though... hee had fun jamming with her n bro... man i love my dot dot.

Today....

i had a fun time today.. spent time with mr. yang... lalalalala.... hee.. ok fine, i am uber happy lar but yet sad... let's start with happy k?

Happy bcoz, today i got to spend time with him after his 5 day trip from malacca n we watched an uber cute show called shrek 3 ARGH!!! baby shreklets are so cute lar.. honestly ar, i felt that the 1st n 2nd show were the best. the 3rd one was a little lame n predictable. it was the shreklets that made the show all worth it. but who cares... hee. i am happy.

Sad why? coz i have only 4 days left to see him and that hurts. coz he is flying off to U.S for another mnth. man!!! i thank God for the gradual testings and the little getting used to.. but oh well, i am strong n can bear with it by God's grace n dot dot's lameness and wonderful friendship.. thank u seng... heh. coming to niam u le... muahahahah... love u gal.

anyway, shall leave u a couple of pictures that the uncle n i took.. muahahah

happy day...

2007-06-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

my happy day....

Firstly, let me thank my Daddy God for watching over me and providing me the entrance to degree programme at NIE and helping me at drama auditions today.. i was truly excited and grateful to Him. Without Him, i am totally nth... Nonetheless, i am thankful to you Jesus...

today's drama audition was quite fun. it felt like lessons have already begun. we were required to move our bodies according to music using body parts such as the elbow, legs and butts.. quite embarassing but wat to do, just whack lar, my life depends on it man... hahah..

Thank God that i only have 1 mnth to teach at Si Ling before degree programme starts. I still miss my Fajar kids so so much.. it hurts to go past that sch n yet noe that i am no longer gng back there.. To fajarians reading this, i love u with all my heart... more than u ever noe... :)

another happy thing is that my dear Mr. Yang is back!!! woohoo!!! get to hear his nice nice voice le... hahaha he reminds me of papa. heh heh... oops... haha. anyway, welcome home dear Chris... oh well, i only get to see him for say 4 more days and then he's off again to U.S for 1 mnth... another challenging feat for me. oh well, God will bring us thru it amen...

hahaha... ok tat's all folks... gng to watch tv now.. tata muackz

1 more day and counting...

2007-06-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

1 more day n counting the hours....

so exciting... tmr is the most exciting day... firstly, would be the drama auditions which i pray very hard that i will be accepted. By God's grace, i will enter... Amen to tat!! and secondly, my dear Mr. Yang will be coming home in less than 24 hours. yay!!! and i am getting ready to nag him to the doctor's heh heh...

Oh well, was supposed to meet deniece today but we didn't meet up in the end coz it was too late n i guess she is prob tired after church camp.. and oh, i made a wonderful discovery... i love eating milo powder. it is the yummiest comfort food one can ever have when no proper food is in sight. hahha...

MILO POWDER MILO POWDER!!! YUM!!! i tell u i think milo has gone a long way back into history man.. from the nostalgic milo van to the milo can to the fancy milo drinks that we see in prata shops such as the al-ameen prata restaurant... cool ar, imagine that our humble milo drink turned into a star, popular among young teenagers and finding favour among adults too... haha.

Evolution of milo drink...

brings back memories eh?

queuing up for milo at the van

by the way.. maroon 5 has just released their new album.. I WANT!!!!!!!! i think the song is so nice lar.. their new song is so nice... is the title makes me wonder...super nice lar so must get it ok ppl? yup n when u want to buy it, pls think of me here drooling over their new album.. haha.. ok maroon 5, where are my fees for helping u advertise ur new album eh? hand the mullah over NOW!!! heh heh...

TAT'S ALL FOR NOW FOLKS!!! LOVE U PPL!!! *MUACKIES*

one simple telephone call....

2007-06-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

hahah.. firstly, let me start off today's entry with a big thank you... THANK YOU JESUS 4 everything that u have done for me since day 1 of my birth till today. thank u so much... THANK YOU DADDY SO SO SO SO MUCH!!! Bless you so so much... :) it means so much to me. thank you for knowing the desires of my heart and many more!! :)

hee... God is so good.. yup, today i guess it was not bad as yesterday... partly coz i think i'm getting used to it le and also there's about 1 more day to go? ... but still weird.. heh heh... a dear person called yest and today, and hahaha i am estatic. Mr. Yang, thank you for everything heh heh... and if u're reading this, i'm awaiting for ur return for many things. one of them is for u to send me the pictures taken on last fri. hee...

haha... it's exactly 11.30pm on my lappie... and in half an hour's time it would be 12am, which means 1 more day!!! yay!!! God pls help me on thursday... i realli need you.. thank u...

can't wait to see shrek 3 man... i think donkey is so cute.. hahah says the stupidest things at the wrong times.. hahah that's what makes him a donkey... by the way, have u seen baby papa shrek? haha cute hor in diapers. heh heh... man, chris!!! fri ar, SHREK 3 YAY!!!! HAHAHA sorrie ppl, i think i'm on adrenaline rush.

oh and i must introduce to u my favourite show!! SPONGE BOB SQUAREPANTS!!! haahahah...

so cute hor!! hahha my gosh, i also want to live in a pineapple.. haahahah so cute... ok,

tat's all i got to blog for about today folks...

love u loads *muackz muackz* n take care...

3 more days to go...

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

I must testify of my Lord's goodness, He has provided me with a degree programme at NIE and i thank Him totally for taking care of me for the past 21 years and in years to come. Honestly, i would not be what i am today if not for Him, and so i am determined in believing that He has a plan installed for me to do works for Him. what is it, i'm nt so sure though i have my suspicions but whatever it is, in His time, i will myself to obey and to honour Him in every way that I can.

Why i thank Him? He has provided for me for my education, and to be so blessed to be able to further study... i am very thankful to Him. and so i would like to say a big THANK YOU JESUS!!!... what i am n have today is Yours.
bottom line is, always trust God... though it is nt easy but nv give up yeah?

gosh. it is nt easy when one is far far away from me.... *sighz* anyway, Chris left for a 5 day leader's advance in malacca... haha can u believe it, 3 more days... tmr would be 2 more days left before Chris returns. bet there'll be lots to catch up on and to learn from him. hee.. looking forward to his return on thurs. yeah!!! man... it feels weird not talking for 2 days... so not me... totally... heh. watever...

btw, went driving today, rained cats and dogs and i was busy trying to put a leash on the car. the roads were nt exactly free of cars when it comes to heavy rainy days. yuck yuck... i think nature is playing psychology too.... when u want it to rain, it shines so ever scorchingly, when u want it to shine, it rains cats n dogs... heh... maybe next time, i shall think of the opposite to obtain what i want.

yes!!! c'mon c'mon... according to my laptop it is now, 11.57pm... 3 more minutes to 12am... quick!! den it will be officially 2 more days... haahaa oh yeah and to drama auditions too.. so looking forward to it :)

love you loads readers!!!! *muackz muackz*

ps. dot if u are reading this, *reminder alert* thou has not tagged my bloggie for eons.... revive it pls. Angel u too!!!

PicTuReS....

2007-05-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

Some pictures of nafa buddies when we met up at billy bombers at Cathay....

Time ticks...

2007-05-27T08:58:00.001+08:00

It has been almost 2 weeks since i have left fajar but i feel that it was just yesterday that i had stepped out of Fajar. Gosh... i am missing them already. thank you fajarians for giving me pleasant memories of all of you and i definitely had a wonderful time just teaching you funky ppl. I miss all of you...

Will be reporting to Si ling secondary tmr.. mixed feelings. knowing the background of the sch, i wonder what He has in store for me. God help me!!! anyway, i'm counting on God to provide me with a cross over to the degree programme. really want to continue studying and expand my knowledge and be able to deliver new information to the younger generations.

Boring talks at Nie the past few days has made me wana study more man... haha amazingly, when one gives a talk on life skills, many ppl turn up. this shows that if the subject is relevant, many ppl will bother to avail themselves and turn up for it.

oh btw, i have an interesting website to share with you guys. ever heard of sodom and gomorrah in the BIBLE? anyway, archeologists have found its existance and as the BIble says, it is today in ruins, only seen as ashes with the brimstones aka balls of sulphur still here today on earth. I think it is 5000 degree celsius in each of the balls of sulphur. amazing huh. go read it...

type www.google.com den type in sodom and gomorrah satelite. a whole list of info will come out but i think it should be the first one on the list. u will see one with the same title as what u have typed in. go read it, they have other stuff too like noah's ark, the ark of the covenant. i think most of them have been found by archeologist. this proves one thing... Jesus is alive and very much real... !!! hurray!!!

love u all.... tata

Revived!!!

2007-05-08T07:13:00.000+08:00

Good morning ppl. it is 7.12 am and i am blogging in the staffroom now. hahaha. it is the exams this week, so i have tons of invigilation to do which is ultra tiring. like machiam model like tat. u noe, the spaces between the desks den teachers have to walk up n down the hall. like runway for models. haahaha ok watever. anyway, my greatest apologies to u ppl who have been reading my stagnant blog. hahaha sorrie...
my my, 11 weeks have just come n gone like the wind. intially, i was quite scared of practicum but somehow time seems to past so fast when u're having fun, that u hardly feel that it has been already 11 weeks.
*sighz* went to watch spiderman 3 yesterday. hahaha. realized that there were quite a number of scenes that supports Christian values such as
forgiveness - not to bear hatred or grievances towards other people or else it would turn one into something 'ugly'.
Choices - we all have choices regardless of race or religion. It is the choice that we make that determines our path in life, basically our future which will in turn affect the people and environment around us.
Sacrifices - To lay down one's life for another loved one. FOr me, i see it as a way of how Jesus died on the cross for us. imagine, Harry, being Jesus, and Pete, representing us... i mean, he died in Pete's place which is to say, in order to save us,Jesus died for us on the cross taking away with him the things that we have done wrong aka sin. That is His Sacrificial love for us with no strings attached. amazing...
Many thanks to Chris, for giving me the little 'homework'on spidey 3.... heh heh... this is what i learnt.. muahahah...
In our present world, most people are living in a materialistic zone, where selfishness rules, it is the i, me, my concept. but is that what life is all about? if everyone spared a thought for another person, most prob the world would be a better place.

Anyway, back to my life in Fajar, i can't help but have a heavy heart knowing that i have to leave on Friday. The students, as mischievous as they are, i love them all. Thursday would be one memorable pizza party time that i will have with them. I must remember to take pictures then all of u can see my lovely playful students.

Some little updates..

2007-04-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

ok so sorrie folks, i have been busy planning lessons for my students in Fajar... i hope they like the lesson. tried to make it fun and interesting. trying to teach them things about music that will be able to help them in future or to understand what ppl are talking about as they interact with ppl who understands music too.
Oh well, anyway, i am not sure if i can bear to leave them when i am supposed to. i love them so much even though sometimes, they do make me feel like i'm gonna kill them.. haha but i guess this is what makes it fun in secondary school. Teaching secondary students makes me think back about my days when i was in secondary school. one word to describe: WACKY!!!
Honestly, i think i'm going to admit it, i am a music person through and through... music has such an effect on me that i can't describe how i feel whenever i listen to any kind of music. spare me heavy metal k? can't even understand a word of screamo they are saying unless i back musk the track which i dun intend to for fear i hear things that i do not want to hear.

Went to watch phantom of the opera yesterday at esplanade with dai feng and met a few others. oh met xing yu and kai li too.. haha. the musical was good. no sorrie, it was a powerhouse musical. i am so glad that i managed to catch it this time round. the music and the orchestra was so good that it send goosebumps and chills down my spine. It is definitely worth watching. the tone of the voice together with the orchestra was perfect was so round. it was woohoo!!!! no words can describe it. i would recommend u watch it live.
I'll share with you some of my thoughts... when i watched it, i was thinking. " Oh my gosh, wat i am doing in a teaching line? i could have pursued a life of performing. " to make music together with orchestra, to compose songs and pieces, to find musicians to play my piece for me, the company of making music together. the arty farty life that i once had and so adored is still there but not as funky in a place called Bugis where we have secret garden, esplanade cafe right at our finger tips.
Thank God i still have my band to jam with. if not, i will really regret not pursuing a performing life.