love language

Exams are over, i have lots of time to kill. I decided to pick up a book to read to equip myself and to learn from it.

I read the book love languages of God by Dr. Gary Chapman. While reading, what caught my attention was this: to love and to be loved - what could be more important? I believe that they key to learning and choosing love is tapping into divine love. When we learn to know and love Him, we will have made the "love connection". Dr. Gary believes that human love relationships reflect the nature of God, who is love. If we can understand the dynamics of human love, it will help us understand the expressions of divine love.

As i pondered about it, i realized that it is true. if we love another person with our own strength and own capacity, be it a spouse, family member, we will always run dry. But if we tap into God's divine love, no matter how tough it gets, be it good or bad times, we will still be able to love him or her just as much.

As i read on to the following chapters of the five love languages namely, (i) Words, (ii) Quality Time, (iii) Touch, (iv) Gifts and (v) Acts of Service, i learnt that each of us have a primary love language. Definitely it will encompass the other four, but there will always be the primary love language that will touch us the most.

For me, i used to think that it was gifts, based on the form which i did during a family church camp in 2006. However, as i read on and reflected on what cheers me up and upsets me the most, i realized that it is not gifts. It is words. I am a words person. Words affect me the most, it holds the most meaning to me, which i struggle with nowadays because everyone treats word so lightly. They say one thing, mean another and do another.

Even though sometimes i may not show it, certain words be it postive words or negative words, do affect me a lot. But i try my best not to show it. I have no idea why i do not show it. Perhaps, i do not how to react to it. that's why i don't show.

After words, comes touch. I feel very much loved when someone gives me a hug, holds my hand, gives me a kiss, or puts an arm around me.

After words and touch comes quality time. Quality time can be divided into a few categories: (i) family, (ii) loved one, (iii) friends and (iv) myself. How i spend or define quality time when i am with family members is either doing something together, or having a nice chat over dinner, going out with them, doing the same activities as them even though if i don't like it but becoz they love it, i will try my best to enjoy it as much as possible with them, and to watch television with them. What i would like to do in future to add to the quality time is to learn how to pray with them.

Quality time spent with a loved one can be as simple as you look at me, i look at you. Though it may seem awkward, deep down in my heart, i enjoy it very much. Taking the time to share with the other person my heartfelt thoughts, feelings, talk rubbish, support each other, being there for the other person, do silly stuff together and vice versa is quality time to me. anywhere and anytime just being with the one i love is quality time to me.

Quality time with friends is to just chill and hang out with them. Talk rubbish, share stuff with each other and to support each other.

Quality time to myself. I have never thought of the importance of having quality time to myself until now. It is like i have been giving myself to so many categories like family, loved one and friends and sometimes even to students that i forget about my quality with myself and God. Well, sometimes it is good to get away from all the hustling and bustling of life and do a self reflection to see whether what i am doing is right or not. From there, i am able to take a step back from being involved in so many people's life, and just think about my actions, my thoughts, my words to them whether have i hurt them. Sometimes i may have, sometimes i may have done something good. Whatever it is, i learn from it and change. As God give chances, so i learnt to give myself a chance to change.

From spending time with myself, i also get to know myself a bit better. How ironic right, to spend time with yourself to know yourself better. but it is true. I have learnt a lot about myself in respect to different areas of my life. Like the way i relate to my family, my bf, my friends. I admit i'm not the best person to be with them but yet i am the best person to be for them because i learn everyday to work with new challenges posed by them.

ANyho, THese three are my love languages. My love tank will immediately fill itself up when i receive love in these three manners. I guess that is what i have learnt for now and would share with you soon if you date me out :)