Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Performing vs Teaching

gosh, it has been a long time ever since i started to blog.

How time flies... it has been 4 months since i have started teaching. Never regretted my decision to be a teacher. I think it is just plain awesome to be able to interact with the younger generation. What a privilege to be able to befriend them, to learn new things from them, receive new insights and to be able to challenge both theirs and my perspective about certain things in life.

If one wonders whether the students there are like horrendous, no they are not. Sure, they do test your patience, but at the end of the day, they are still people. They need the basic things that you and i need. Air, Interaction, Guidance, Comfort and most importantly Love.

As teachers, i think the greatest gift that we can ever impart to our students is Love. 1 Cor 13. Have been battling with the age old question: Is it better to be feared or loved? But i have decided, that even if it takes a longer process, i choose to be loved. To be feared, yes it does have its benefits, you get things done faster, you get the class to be quiet, but at the end of the day, the students might not open up to you because they can't be themselves. They do things out of fear and not because they want to.

Love conquers a multitude of sins. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast, love does not envy, love puts others before oneself. And in the process, love hurts. Students do hurt you unintentionally when they become their old self again after counselling them, speaking to them in the hope that they will become a better person. But it is a great opportunity to bond and strengthen the relationship with them. when you interact with students, you will understand where they are coming from and why they act in a certain way, which is pretty interesting.

Darn, i am addicted to my job. LOVE.. LURVE... it!!!

Went to watch an orchestra concert at NAFA yesterday. As usual, going back to that campus brings back many fond, fun and exciting memories. Till today, those memories are deeply treasured. It is one place that i have found great and wonderful insane friends.

I must say, the orchestra is pretty good. the balance between the orchestra and the choir was awesome. The delivery of the music was very smooth and the dynamics was like whoa magical. Musicians of NAFA, i am so so proud of you.

After watching that performance, you resurrected the dream of performing in me again. sigh... I think it is just simply beautiful to spend your days practicing your pieces, collaborate with different musicians and travel round the world to perform. It is just so magical. so enriching. so.............. enticing.

what can i say... i can only wish for it to come true one day... shall leave you with one of my favourite requiems...

Sunday, July 05, 2009

God, are you there?

Do you believe that God speaks?

Have you ever heard Him speak?

I believe He does. He speaks all the time. Do you realize it? Are you aware of it?

For me, the verse where it says that All creation shouts the praise of God caught my attention. really took the time to challenge myself everyday. How? By the simple activites that I do everday. I learn Biblical principals, concepts, am being revealed to the character of God by things around me and by the things i do.

Just to share a few at the request of my dear dorothy seng. I pray and hope that this will encourage all of you and as a testimony to all that God is truly a living God.

some of the ways that God have been speaking to me, apart from sermons, my quiet time, for the past one month are through:

1) Playing Jenga

The concept of the game Jenga is to filter out the loose blocks and stack them till they fall right? When you first start the game, the "structure" seems stable until you start tapping to source out which block is ripe to remove from the structure and to stack at the top. The game only ends when the structure comes crashing down.

Well, for me, i learnt that the solid "structure" when we start the game represents us as a child of God. We may look like that block of solid "structure" in Christ. But are we really that strong?

THe little blocks that make up the structure represents the word of God. What builds us up? the word of God. In the game, there are some blocks which are loose and some which are firmly secure in their position. Some blocks are easier to take out than others.

With Us, tapping on each block, reminds me of the challenges/devil/obstacles that really come knocking at the doors of our hearts in our lives. It is like testing how grounded you are in the word of God. Are you secure in the word of God?

With every truth that you know, you are like the secure blocks that provide a firm foundation for the growth of the structure, Your own structure. With every uncertainty of the word, you are like the loose blocks that can be easily taken out.

If we do not have a firm foundation, we may end up crumbling down. Therefore, through playing this game, i learnt the importance of knowing the truths, what the Lord has to say. THe bible is a very powerful tool and it can guide your paths only if you allow it to.

2) Arcade Games

To be honest, i don't really like stepping into arcades. But i had to as it was part of one of my leadership programmes. Instead of sulking, just make the best of it and have fun :) when you do, you learn tons of amazing things from and with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

THere were three stations that we played for that day. The first was air hockey, followed by street basketball and the last one para para.

Air Hockey

While playing, the puck caught my attention. I kinda pitied the puck as it kept getting whacked around from one end to the other. At that time, i thought to myself, man, it seriously sucks to be a puck. Getting hit all the time. If ever given a choice to be anything in this world, i would never choose to be a puck.

Yet, ironically, many of us (myself included) unknowingly, unconsciously choose to be a puck. The Puck of Life is what i call it.

How does one become the puck of life?

To me, i learnt that when you don't know your identity. You do not know who you are in Christ, the things that you can do, the power that is in you. You allow others to dictate, to shape, and mould you instead of allowing God to do so.

You become what others think you are. THe people/person who has the most influence in your life is able to do that. It then boils down to one question: Who is the most influential person in your life?

For me, it used to be my parents. THey are the most influential people in my life because they are my parents, they gave life to me and i respect and love them a lot. They do have very good insights and perspectives which are based on their own personal experience.

But i realized, it is a very fine line between loving them and them influencing me. I'm not saying that they cannot influence me. They can, but to a certain extent. Ultimately, it is God who has the final say in my life. What's yours? :)

Another thing that one can become a puck of life is when you wish to please people. When we seek to please people instead of God, we lose focus on what we are supposed to do or what God has called us to do. Eventually, one will be so lost, tired out, frustrated and will not be able to function properly.

Gal 1:10
" For do i now persuade men or God? Or do i seek to please men? For if i still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Prov 16:7
" When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him"

wow! isn't Prov 16:7 awesome? When you please the Lord, even your enemies are at peace with You. The Lord MAKES them at peace with you. how cool is that? very cool!

Second game - Street Basketball

This game reminds me of Philippians 3:13 - 14

" Brethren, i do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing i do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

As i played the game, never once did i turn back to look who is watching me play, to see who is cheering me on. No, none of that. i concentrated on the goal. To shoot as many basketballs into the hoop as possible. Similarly, in our walk/relationship/ministry, it challenges me in the sense that am i looking ahead and to reach out for the greater things that God has in store for me?

Para Para

IT's a dancing game!!! haha i love it. miss playing it in secondary sch at my friend's house after sch. :) Dancing in public? anyone game? it is definitely uncomfortable yah? THoughts like aiyo, so paisei, later people laugh at me, say dunno how to dance stil want to dance. haha right?

but who cares? If is fun, and very enjoyable. you just got to get your body movin'. Dancin' para para reminds me of worship. Many times we do not dare to step out of our comfort zones to worship God. Whatever your comfort zone may be. It can be as simple as standing up from the comfortable chair, to raising your hands up in surrender, to jumping around, to kneeling, to prostrating on the floor. Whatever it is, each one is an expression of worship to God.

What is your comfort zone now? Do you dare step out of it? :)

These are some of the things that i learnt from the activities that i did. They are very real to me. It just shows me that GOd speaks in ways that i cannot understand and is different from what i think it should be.

Open your eyes, open the eyes of your heart, open your ears. You will find Him. He is not as far as you think but very near. Nearer than you think it is. :) Have fun with God, I'm sure He is looking to a splendid time with you.

God bless.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Just came back from chilling out with Rach at holland village. It was good. Felt so relaxed.
Gosh, two weeks has gone by so fast. I did not even feel it pass me by. kinda miss the conference. wish it will not end at all. Oh well, i guess i can look forward to next year. had a lot of fun, learnt lots of stuff now it is not about the head knowledge but it is more of the application of what i have learnt that is the challenge and to convert that application into a lifestyle is even more of a challenge. but hey, i believe it is possible because God said so and with God, all things are possible. :)
was doing some reflection this week and i realized that it takes a lot of time to get to know someone. Do not even talk about friends, for me, i have been living with my parents for the past 22 years and yet i feel like i do not really understand them even though we talk so much. it is not until recently that God showed me how to handle my parents, talk things out with them firmly and get them to understand different perspective and yet honor them at the same time. have been struggling with that for the past 7 years. It is not easy balancing all of that at the same time. yeah.
hope this encourages some of you who shared with me ur struggles with your family. :) i can share my experience with you only but ultimately God can show you how. Every situation is different. :) I guess every situation or relationship requires a lot of patience as well as investment. yeah so persevere on ok? one day you will see the fruits of your labour as painful as the process may be but yeah it is worth it.
Anyway, thank you Daddy God for going with me on the treasure hunt for the past two days. I believe that many people have been blessed by your children stepping out in faith to display and demonstrate your love towards them.
For me, i have been really blessed. I experienced an amazing thing. During treasure hunt, one of my clues was a Gucci bag. As my hip team went to tiong bahru plaza on thursday, i was telling Daddy," who on earth would carry a Gucci bag to tiong bahru plaza. Like so out of place." oh well, so i happened to turn and saw this young lady who was smoking carrying a somewhat looking Gucci bag. So i decided wat the heck, i just step out in faith and ask. Approached the young lady and asked if the bag she was carrying was a Gucci bag. She said yes! HAHA! shared with her what we were doing and one of her requests was to grow taller. Without thinking, i said sure! why not! you will grow taller.
Wanted to smack myself but oh well, what came out of my mouth i cannot take it back but pray that God will make it happen. So Carolene and i made a straight line mark across our arm and started to pray for the young lady. After praying, her line overshot mine by an inch. I was stunned. Carolene and i just stared at each other in amazement. She actually grew! God made her grow taller! Awesome!
yeah so got very excited and for me it really built my faith level. I believe that as we just step out and demonstrate God's love, it is not so much for the other person though to a certain degree yes they receive healing and stuff but for us as God's children, it just benefits us in our walk with God, our perspective with God and just knowing that He is real and alive is all i need to know to trust in Him always.
Daddy God, I want to go to Bethel to see more and bring it back. Provide a way for me please. amen.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

lovely day

I so totally enjoyed myself yesterday. Met Rachel Chia for dinner and the supposed movie which we never got to watch, and just am so happy that i am able to know her better for who she is. Quite an interesting person and for me, i felt that i could understand her well. Talked quite a bit of stuff about teaching, and future plans bla bla bla...

After that, we went to have ice cream at Udders. it was nice. it was like a bouncy textured ice-cream. shiok. hahaha. Kopi-C and chocolate marsh. yum yum.

Today was another tiring day, went for hip! walked from tiong bahru plaza to church office. aren't you proud of me dot? i walked lei hahaha. exercise ok. learnt quite a lot but still need to process some of my thoughts. will share soon.

After that met champ to plan and discuss for cell. but thank you ar chin champ for passing the cell to me ar. so clever. haha ok la, i will learn how to lead it k? :)

Monday, May 25, 2009


While spending some time alone at Holland Village, i saw a mother with her child. The child was super round, chubby and cute. Man, haha i want to pinch the little kid's cheeks. So lovable. Observing the child just reminded me of my childhood and me being a little kid.

Anyway, the mother was just looking at some clothes at a shop and the child went, eeee so ugly. haha that comment by that kid just made me remember that he is just saying it in honesty. Young children do not know how to lie and to put up a front. They say what they feel and think. They believe every single word that they are being told. super innocent.

You know as a child, i had no worries, always laughing, making my parents angry, laugh, cry, pull their hair out. Normal things that a playful kid would do. and i would say the darndest things in all honesty. If i was angry, i would show it. If i was sad or tired, i would show it. but as i grew up, society and the environment that we live in always or rather has often taught us to put up a front. To not be vulnerable and to hide our true feelings till the point that you do not know whether the person you are talking to is sincere, real or just putting up a facade or simply being fake.

It just reminds of what Jesus said in Mark 10:15 - Assuredly i say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.

I am not too sure about you but for me, as i grew up to be a young lady, i did lose some of the innocence of a child due to experiences, be it good or bad. But, i will always have to come and lay it down at the feet of Jesus and in exchange, ask for a child like faith and discernment to discern between right and wrong, good and evil.

In all honesty, nat nat miss being a child. If only i could turn back the hands of time, i would tell my younger self not to wish to grow up so fast but to enjoy the carefree life of being a kid, ravelling in the love and adoration that my parents have for me and just bask myself in it. but too bad, time passes so fast and in a twinkling of an eye, i am already a young adult.

Yes, for the first time in my life, for all those who know me, nat nat is no longer denying she is forever 16 or forever 21. nat has admitted to being a young adult and us gladly looking foward to the exciting things that God is going to do and send my way. *ok dot and angel, you can confess your age too! i just did hahahahah*

Guess there is a lot of things to learn in life as i step out on my own. God may you be my guide as i continue the rest of my journey with you into adulthood. Continue to mould me and consecrate my heart. :)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

blow me away...

God, you certainly never fail to amaze me. wow! u're such an amazing person. Let me share with you how amazing God is. To God be the glory!

For the past few days i've been asking God to just build me up and to restore me since he has impressed upon my heart that he wants to do just that. So i allowed Him to do so. During Hip today, Pastor Jennifer asked us to prophesy over one another. One of my group mates, Carolene, said this to me: I see a blank piece of white paper being surrounded by all sorts of resources. Strangely, the blank piece of paper is very beautiful. I feel that God is saying the paper is you and you are already beautiful but as He adds more stuff into your life with the resources, You will be even more beautiful than what you are. He is going to build you up and mould you into the woman that He has intended for you to be.

I couldn't hold back the tear bank. I just cried. My intention of sharing this prophecy is not for me to boast how beautiful i am even though i know that it is a fact, (ok just joking, lest dot say i thick skinned again) but yeah, it is to testify that God is real and alive and He hears every single word and cry from us. He knows us inside out and as we yield ourselves to Him, He can do wonders.

I am more touched by the fact that God remembers and hears me. I mean though i know but it is the exact same words that i've been praying for. To hear it being said from someone else's mouth whom i'm not close to, or rather unfamiliar with, is freaky. but Thank you God for your assuring words and promises that you have told me and through other people. I love you.

Now my challenge is, do you have something in your life that you can't handle on your own, or a heavy burden with regards to something that you are not sure how to handle, situations that you do not know how to face? I realized that in life, it is ok if you do not have the answers to everything, not every situation must have an immediate answer or can be solved immediately, but are you willing to surrender everything to God and let Him take control? That is the important question of the day.

Monday, May 18, 2009

*yawnz* came back not too long ago. today was such a refreshing day. spent the entire day with rach, dot and angel. Went for a lovely swim with rach in the morning. just realized how unhealthy i am. we were suppsoed to swim for 10 laps. unfortunately, both of us do not have that much stamina, and so only managed to do only 6 laps.

after that, drove down to vivo, decided to do a little retail therapy and after that head down to bugis to meet dot and angel with rach. man, what a din. i think we girls really brought the house down. hahah so noisy. But had a lovely chat with them and came up with farni conversations. Girls, thank you so much for being there for and with me, just supporting me. Love you girls lots plus min min, gw, and kenny. you people are so fun and i learnt a lot of things from all of you in more ways than one. i thank God for every single one of you. And yup, you all are definitely special to me and in God's eyes. :)

Anyway, have been doing some reflection about some stuff lately. will post it up soon on what i think and wat God has taught me.

Dear daddy,

I thank you for creating me. i know i am wonderfully and fearfully made. Whatever i have done wrong in the past has now been forgiven and been washed clean by the blood of the lamb. I am a new being in you and thank you for accepting and loving me just as i am.

Change me from the inside out and may i just shine ever so brightly and beautifully for you. May you dwell in me as i open my heart and entire being to you. I yield myself completely to you, surrendering every single aspect of my life, everything that i hold dear and the people i love into your hands. Teach me more about your word and help me to apply it in my everyday life as part of my process of transformation.

May it come so alive in me that you will be the star and i will be the testimony. :) And it is no longer that i who liveth but Christ who liveth in me. and daddy, you are my prize. your words never fail me and that is the greatest prize or gift that you can every give me. Thank you i love you.